𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤

French Faux Pas

Parings → Peter Parker x Stark! Reader

Warnings → Awkward, embarrassing

Summary →Peter accidentally sings a suggestive French song to you, causing chaos with Tony's fury, Bucky's horror, and Natasha's amusement.

          ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

It was a rare lazy afternoon at the Avengers compound. The living room was unusually peaceful, with everyone scattered in their own little worlds. Tony was in the kitchenette area, busy brewing his third cup of coffee for the day. Natasha was lounging on the armchair, flipping through channels with a bored expression. Bucky sat on the couch with a plate of cookies he’d stolen from the kitchen, biting into one absentmindedly.

You and Peter were seated on the floor near the coffee table, completely engrossed in building a massive Lego set Tony had gifted Peter for his birthday. It was supposed to be a replica of the Avengers Tower, but with Peter’s modifications, it was turning into some kind of futuristic skyscraper with secret compartments for Spider-Man figurines.

Peter was humming softly as he concentrated on snapping two pieces together, occasionally glancing at you with a small smile. You were equally focused, sifting through the pieces to find the one he’d just asked for.

And then, out of nowhere, Peter started singing.

“Voulez-Vous coucher avec moi,” he crooned softly, his voice carrying a light, teasing tone as he looked at you with that shy, boyish grin. He swayed a little, completely lost in the tune.

You paused, a small smile tugging at your lips. “You know that’s French, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, glancing up at you briefly before returning to the Lego set. “I don’t know what it means, though. It’s just catchy.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow, a smirk forming on her face as she leaned back in her seat. Bucky, who had been mid-bite, froze. Slowly, he lowered the cookie, his face twisted in sheer horror.

“What the fuck?!” Bucky exclaimed while staring at Peter, his voice loud enough to make everyone in the room turn toward him.

Peter flinched, almost dropping the Lego piece he was holding. “What? What happened?”

Tony, who was pouring his coffee, barely glanced up. “Relax, Rusty Bucket. It’s just a song.”

Bucky whipped around, his expression growing more panicked. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?”

Natasha’s smirk widened as she looked between Bucky and Peter, sensing the chaos about to unfold. “This should be good,” she murmured under her breath.

Peter blinked, his face turning pale. “Uh… n-no?”

Bucky pointed an accusatory finger at him. “It means, ‘Do you want to sleep with me!’”

The room went dead silent.

Tony froze mid-sip, his eyes narrowing as the words sank in. Natasha bit her lip, trying to hold back a laugh, while Bucky looked ready to pull out a gun.

Peter, meanwhile, turned as red as his Spider-Man suit. “W-what?! No! I-I didn’t know!” He stammered, waving his hands in frantic defense. “I swear! I just thought it was a catchy song!”

Tony slammed his coffee mug onto the counter and stormed into the living room. “How dare you, Parker!” He barked. “You want to sleep with my precious daughter?!”

“Dad!” You yelled, your face burning with embarrassment. “It’s not like that!”

“I didn’t know!” Peter shouted, practically scrambling backward as Tony loomed over him. “Mr. Stark, I swear! I didn’t know the meaning! I would never—well, I mean, not like that—I mean, not without her permission! Wait, no, that sounds wrong too! I’m sorry!”

Natasha let out a soft chuckle, crossing her legs as she leaned back. “You’re not helping your case, kid.”

Bucky, still clutching the cookie, looked like he wanted to crawl under the couch. “This is why I don’t trust teenagers.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “Can we all just stop? It’s not a big deal!”

“Not a big deal?” Tony snapped, turning to you. “My little girl is sitting here while this kid serenades her with a sex proposal in French!”

“It wasn’t a proposal!” Peter cried, looking like he wanted to sink into the floor. “I didn’t know! I promise! I didn’t know!”

Natasha’s smirk deepened, and she leaned closer to you. “Should we tell them that you're already doing it?”

You shot her a warning glare, knowing full well what she was hinting at.

Tony jabbed a finger in Peter’s direction. “You’re grounded. Effective immediately. No Lego sets, no swinging around New York, no—”

“Dad!” You interrupted, exasperated. “We’re adults. Can you not overreact for once?”

“Overreact?” Tony repeated, his voice going higher. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was overreacting to finding out Spider-Boy wants to—”

Natasha finally stepped in, holding up her hand. “Relax, Tony. The kid’s already halfway to a heart attack. Let’s not give him a full one.”

Peter glanced at you helplessly, his face still bright red. “I—I really didn’t know,” he whispered.

You sighed, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I know, babe. It’s okay.”

Tony muttered something under his breath, clearly still fuming, while Natasha leaned back with a satisfied smile. Bucky, meanwhile, stuffed the rest of the cookie into his mouth and muttered, “I need a drink.”

Peter spent the rest of the afternoon walking on eggshells, avoiding Tony’s glare, and mumbling apologies every time he accidentally made eye contact with anyone.

Natasha, of course, didn’t let either of you live it down.

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