Uncontrollable Obsession

Kapitulo 42

Flashbacks 2

Malungkot kong nilisan ang Ascona. Babalik ako kapag may pagkakataon ako, sa ngayon kailangan ko ng umuwi. Kanina pa lumapag ang airplane pero nanatili ako dahil nagdadalawang-isip ako kung uuwi ba o tumakas nalang ng tuluyan.

"Ma'am?"

Natauhan ako n'ong may lumapit sa aking staff dito.

"I'm sorry."

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang maleta. Mabilis akong nakalabas ng airport at nakasakay ng taxi.

While I was in the car on our way home, I couldn't help but feel cold and afraid. Mag-iisang buwan na akong nawala at alam kong nalaman na nila iyon dahil nahuli si Yriehna. Vildan was the one who apparently discovered her. She tried to plead with her not to report to our parents, but Vildan did it anyway. Now, she is angry with her.

The car stopped outside our gate. I went out after I had paid. Awtomatikong nagradyo ang dalawang nagbabantay roon. I took a deep breath because of the heaviness I felt. I walked slowly, feeling like I just wanted to run away and not face my father because I knew he was furious now.

Nanginginig ang mga binti ko nang tuluyang nakapasok ng gate. Kinuha ng tauhan namin ang gamit ko at may humawak naman sa akin at dinala ako sa loob ng bahay. Sa bilis nito halos madapa na ako kung wala lang silang nakahawak sa akin.

Tsaka pa lamang ako binitawan n'ong nasa loob na kami at sa harap mismo ni Papa na nangangalaiti sa galit. Hinagilap ko si Mama ngunit wala siya.

Parang gusto ko nalang ngayong bumalik ng Ascona, roon kasi payapa ako at walang takot. Ramdam ko roon ang kaginhawaan. Dito nawawalan ako lagi ng lakas at puno ng pangamba ang nasa dibdib.

"Where have you been all this time?"

Yriehna told me she hadn't told our father where I was that's why she was sent to Denmark for three years.

Halos marinig ko na ang dumagundong kong puso. Marahan ang bigkas niya pero ang diin doon ay hindi nawawala.

"N–nainip ho–"

"Wala kang karapatang mainip! Saan ka galing?"

I bowed my head because of his shout. We were in the living room, so I knew there were people who could see us here.

"You dare to drag Yriehna into your stupid plan! You're going to escape! Gawin mo at may mangyari..." dagdag niya.

Napalunok ako. Ayaw kong sabihin sa kaniyang nangibang bansa ako at baka hindi ko na magagawa iyon sa susunod.

"M–may pinuntahan lamang akong resort, Papa."

My lips were trembling. I felt my whole body shaking.

"Whose money did you spend? Did you ask her for it? Hindi ka pa rin nagtanda! Hindi ba at bawat lakwatsa mo'y may kapalit?!"

May pera naman ako at lakwatsa? Para sa kaniya lakwatsa ang ginagawa ko dahil hindi naman kumikita ng pera ang naglalakwatsang kagaya ko. But for me, that's freedom.

I bit my lip to hold back the tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him, I might just get slapped.

"Tingnan mo ako, Ishwariah..."

Dahan-dahan ko siyang sinunod. I don't know why I saw pain in his eyes. My eyes welled up with fear. Why didn't I realize that he always says my name completely when he calls me, unlike my mother.

Wala ba talaga siyang pagmamahal sa akin? Anak mo rin ako, Papa. I want to shout it. Dahil hindi ko iyon naramdaman sa kaniya. Bakit hindi niya ako makitang anak niya at may nagawa ring mabuti.