Uncontrollable Obsession

Kapitulo 28

Talikod

I instantly leaned against the door with heart so heavy. I looked around and when I realized something, I flop the floor.

"I'm so stupid!"

If someone really sees me now, they might think I lost my mind.

I want to cry but no tears fell from my cheeks even though my eyes were watered. I roamed my eyes again and then stopped it on my body. Me. With this room. And only covered with towel. I shook my head nonstop. I wish things like this are easy to forget.

My mind were flying with thoughts so even though I heard what Viahna said, I didn't understand a single one of them. Tulala ako sa kawalan. Nakakawalang gana kumilos. My eyes were sleepy that I feel like I just wanted to sleep. And escape everything!

Tumayo ako at pumasok sa banyo para muling linisin ang sarili. I don't know how I got dressed so quickly. It usually takes me a few minutes, but that moment it seemed like second or minute passed and I found myself done right away. Siguro dahil nasa isip ko ang mukha ng dalawang babae sa sala.

I can't help but feel nervous and fear for the later. I was restless as I walked down the hallway. Awhile ago, I heard Tita Elizzeza that she wanted to talk to me and that made me more uneasy. I can no longer understand myself. It's like I'm going to vomit or something because of agitation.

I lift my hand on my chest and felt it. I just wanted to go back into the room and lock myself there until they left. I stopped when I saw the stairs. Feels like, I wanted to do what's in my head. But it isn't right. Because if I do that, it would means to them that I'm guilty. And I can't clean myself from their thoughts either. Their thoughts will be right if I don't show up to them. I pulled a strength then proceed down the stairs.

They were noise when I was upstairs but when they saw me stalking their spot, they suddenly became quiet. It was as if I was a president who came to them, that they became quiet like this.

It was a mistake that I purposely slowed down my walk to give myself a chance to calm down. It didn't crossed in my mind that I would make a problem with it. It would have been fine then but when I saw them looking at me, it was embarrassing to made them wait for me.

I'd already practiced myself in the room but it's so different when I'm in front of them. It's like I forget everything. Nablangko agad ako sa harap nila.

I can't dare to look at them properly. Not because of the way they think but because of what they saw earlier. Kalaunan, tumigil ako ng tuluyang makalapit. Hindi ko alam kung paano umpisahan ang lahat kaya bumati nalang muna ako.

"H–hi!"

I broke the quiet surroundings.

Napahawak ako sa tainga ko. Nalilito ako kung saan uupo. Suddenly, Zekeil tapped the space to his right. I looked at Viahna who was on his left. Mabilis kong iniwas ang paningin. I know they think I'm guilty because I act like this. Pero ganoon pa man tinatagan ko ang sarili.

I know I have no one to blame but myself. Because looking back on what happened, I was the one with unpleasant appearance. Yes! I was in a hurry because part of me wanted them to talk right away. I want them to fixed each other. To save their marriage. But still I made a big mistake to faced him without a proper dress. So somehow, I understand if they will throw me out now. Because in the first place, they didn't know the reason why they found us like that.

But like what I said, my conscience is clear. I distance myself from Zekeil. I hope the moment he closed our gap, was part of what they caught between us.

Mas lalo ko pang naramdaman ang hiya sa sarili nang wala man lang sumalo sa aking pagbati.

Napabuntong-hininga si Tita at tumayo.