Uncontrollable Obsession

Kapitulo 34

Attic

I lingered there, hoping to hear more, but the subject change and now they were already discussing about designs, something I chose not to listen to.

I was not in myself when I left. At hindi ko alam kung saan ako dadalhin ng mga paa ko. I just walk with no destination. I could not accept what I heard today. And I certainly could not accept this compared to what I heard before.

Magkapatid si Tito Sin at Mama. That's what stuck in my mind. They're damn siblings! And I never know it until now. That means Zekeil is my cousin? Damn it! Hindi na 'yon kailangan itanong.

Kung pinayagan ko lang pala siya... posibleng pumasok ako sa incest na relasyon nang walang kaalam-alam! The thought of it made me vomit. The eff with them! Damn you, Zekeil! I hate you! Nakakasuka! Why did you lie to me? Is this what my mother wanted? To pimp me out to her nephew? Hindi ko kayang sikmurain ang nalaman.

Napaangat ako nang tingin nang makitang may kamay na nag-abot ng tissue. Nalaman kong galing ito kay Chiquita. Tahimik ko lamang itong kinuha at umalis roon. Wala naman akong naisuka maliban sa laway.

I sigh in dismayed. They all played with me. May kinalaman kaya 'to sa sitwasyon ko? Saang parte?!

Hindi puwedeng dahil lang sa gusto niya akong maikasal! Sigurado akong may rason na nakatago sa likod nang pagpapanggap nila.

"If it weren't for my nephew, do you think your husband would agree? No! You know how hard it is to convince my Kuya."

Parang sirang plaka ang utak ko dahil sa paulit-ulit ko 'yong naririnig. She's aware that Zekeil is her nephew yet she let him.

"Damn it!"

"I should leave. You're wasted. I guess my advice won't help you or I think you need to pull yourself together first." Hindi ko na inalam kung sino ang mga 'yon.

Naririndi ako! Paulit-ulit kong pinunasan ang labi. Isang beses niya akong nahalikan. Nakakasuka! Nakakauyam! I am disgusted with them and to myself! I am furious with everyone! Dismayado ako sa takbo ng utak nila! I feel like I've been betrayed by the whole world. I wanted to scream because of the intense anger I felt.

Akala ko wala nang gugulat sa akin pero nagkamali ako. That conversation destroyed all the trust I had left in them.

I just know that I'm a mother. Then that man I saw turned out to be my husband. And that marriage certificate where I read his name and another woman's name– that means, Viahna is just his hook. I couldn't help but laugh out in disgust. Pesticide animal! He wasn't satisfied to her that he brought me along as his second hook!

Tangina!

So this was Tita Elis' reason why she's furious at me the moment she found out about my affair with Zekeil. I can't blame her. It's my fault. Kasalanan ko dahil hindi ko inalam. I don't have a face anymore, knowing that I let myself fell in love with my cousin.

Now my questions before made sense. Despite their strictness, they still let us in because they know that my mother is known as the owner's sister. But then, why does she have to say that the owner is her friend when the husband of her friend is her brother?! Bigla akong napatukod sa pader nang sumagi sa isip kong isang Valverde si Mama. Then why is the middle name written in my name different? Halos mapiga ko na ang utak dahil sa daming tanong.

Sinapo ko ang mukha at kalaunan napahilamos. I don't know if I can trust them anymore. Mismong si Zekeil... hindi ko nakayanan ang bigat sa dibdib ko kaya tumigil ako't inalam kung saang parte na ako ng mansion napunta. Napatitig ako kay Losienda na abala sa kusina, at sa exit. I'm sure if I'll exit to that door no one will notice.