Uncontrollable Obsession

Kapitulo 36

He should be happy because, even though his wife knew that he loved someone else, she still managed to worry about him. She wanted to help with the search, which I know is not necessary. She wants to be with him to help him find me. That's her point!
 
Good thing she didn't go wild despite his betrayal, and he should be thankful for that, not the other way around. 
 
Ramdam ko ang pagbigat ng paghinga ko. Though he meant it for his wife, what I heard penetrated me. It keeps replaying inside my head. I felt like it was meant for me. Hindi nga lang derikta.

If I were in her place, I wouldn't hesitate to leave him. I can't bear to be with him. His attitude is way too far for my ideal man. Kaya bakit sa kaniya ito tumibok?
 
My eyes bore into my shadow and stayed there for a long while. I won't be surprised if one day I get news of him being abandoned by his wife. 
 
I'm sure his wife would not want him anymore. Kaso sa narinig ko siya pa ang nawalan ng gana. So bold of him to say that. Yet he still calls it faithful? Ganoon pala 'yon. So having a thick face has the audacity to make its own definition of faithful, then?

Kung nagpakumbaba nalang kaya siya?

Makapal nga ang mukha kaya malabong gawin!

Every time my parents had a misunderstanding, I never heard my father speak hurtful words to my mother. Even when my mother went too far, my father never raised his tone or swore at her. They talked about their misunderstanding... and I always keep that in mind: no matter what happens, misunderstandings should never last a day. It can be resolved as long as it is being discussed, not ignored, and not made worse. My father has his own flaws, but the main point here is that I never heard him swear at my mother. That's my father. He never swears to my mother, unlike Zekeil. 
 
Gaya ng ibang mag-asawa, kaya pang maaayos ang relasyon nila kung pag-uusapan nilang dalawa sa parehong kalmado na sistema. Hindi 'yong isa lang ang may gusto. Dapat pareho sila.
 
I went to bed in a bad mood last night. I couldn't even have a proper dinner because of him. And in the end, I only ate fruit. The next day, I feel that I have already absorbed what happened last night. Kasi naisip kong kahit anong pakli ko, hindi ko naman na 'yon mababago kaya tinanggap ko nalang. Kanila din 'yon. 
 
It was still dark outside, yet my eyes were wide open. The curtain was pushed aside because I couldn't take it anymore. I need comfort outside of this house.

Walang bituin dahil sa kulimlim ng langit. Maulap at mukhang uulan ulit.

Sinulyapan ko ang area nang pinag-stand-by-an ng mga tauhan niya. Malinis na roon. Wala nang naka-posting, ngunit napanguso ako nang makakita ng nagpapatrol. Twenty-four seven pala ang pagbabantay nila. Dinaig pa ang presidente.

Niligpit ko ang kumot na ginamit, nakita ko pa ang itinabing damit ko kagabi. Kailangan ko ng maglaba para may masuot. Paubos na ang damit ko sa kabinet at kung bubuksan 'yon ni Zekeil mas madali na niya iyong mapansin. 

"What's the movement of your troop?"

 
Napaahon ako sa narinig. Gising na rin siya. 
 

"Until this very moment, there's still no sign of concern in the area, especially for Miss Yiahna, Sir."

 
He scoffed.

 
"And you dare to call her in that way? Really? Miss Yinna!" may riing sabi nito sa kausap na pinutol. "I don't want any of you to call her Yiahna."

 
I gritted my teeth. At seloso pa, akala mo naman kung sino!
 

"I beg your pardon, Sir."

 
He sighed. Mayamaya pa muli siyang nagsalita.

 
"What will you tell me if there's still no news about her?"

 
Bakas man ang kapaosan sa boses niya, hindi pa rin nakaligtas ang iritasyon doon. Nagising lang yata siya nang dahil sa tunog ng pagra-radyo nang kaniyang tauhan.