Born A Weapon

losing control

(tw: mentions of torture/ mentions of child abuse and manipulation/ mentions of Stockholm syndrome)

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It brought me power in a way...the torturing, from the first time I saw my mother torture someone to now doing it myself while father watched it felt...rewarding like this man's pain was being transcended into gratification and power. I knew what I was doing was so incredibly wrong and morally reprehensible. But the way father looked at me with this newfound pride made me want to torture a million more people as long as he continued to look at me that way.

I was rapidly losing my connection to my life at Hogwarts, skipping classes in favour of being home with my father, practising a new spell or going on missions with him, and whereas I would usually yearly rack up a kill count of maybe 90 people, I was now reaching those numbers in a month or two.

People started feeling less like human beings and more like inanimate objects as time went on, and I got harsher towards others, often lashing out at the smallest disrespect and openly throwing my opinion over the table with no guilt. Everything felt muted, and every person just looked like another body to seal in a bag.

My social life was falling down a cliff quicker than I realised. Me and harry where not fighting anymore but a stiff silence had settled around us and we rarely saw each other I was no longer friends with ginny, hermione and Ron as my beliefs had made any conversation a battle as father stuffed more and more bullshit into my head while I was completely oblivious to it being mesmerized by the sudden parental love and affection I was receiving from not only father at this point but also mother.

Mother had noticed my interest in purism and the old families' rise and switched up her act in what felt like half a day, whereas normally she just ignored me or found something to beat me up over, she was acting like a real mother for once, putting down the needle in favour of teaching me the best techniques for torture.

In that moment, it felt so justifiable, and the sudden affection felt like the sun after a life of storm and rain.

My just recovering relationship with both Remus and Sirius after my stunt at Christmas was now toppling back into deep water muted and awkward Sirius always the cheerful and somewhat arrogant person who usually pulled me out of a destructive episode in seconds was now held back and seemed a bit disappointed in me it stung deep down because he is a person I look up to

Remus on the other hand was much like luna and trying to pull me out of the rattrap that was my parents manipulation, he tried again and again together with luna and sometimes Sirius to convince me that my parents sudden affection and parental love was nothing more than a coverup for the fact they found a way to get me on their side but I was already too deep in Stockholm syndrome to hear their voices over the thick waves of gratification and enabling from my parent.s

R: delphini, please listen to us...this isn't worth it and it's not okay

Remus said as I sat in front of him, my hands caked in blood and my empathy numbed cold by my mother's whispers of praise. He was wiping my hands with a wet cloth as I stared down at them, my mind still reeling with the sounds of screams and the sudden silence. He realised that some of the blood was mine as he saw the thick welts on my hands from the correctional punishment from both my parents.

R: What is that? Why do you have welts on your hands, delphini... Hey, look at me, please

He grabbed my chin and turned my head up to face him, and I stared back, still unable to say anything.g

R: delphini, hello? Why do your hands look like you've dragged them through a thornbush

The silence hung in the room like gas which could explode with the slightest spark, and Luna placed her hand on my shoulder, talking to me in a sweet voice as she wiped my hair behind my ear.

L: delphini...love, why do your hands look like that

D: My father and I practice magic...

L: Did something go wrong?? Is that why?

D: No... when I do it wrong, he uses this ruler, it's-

R: ruler? You mean he smacks your hands when you make a mistake?

I nodded, not really knowing what to say, still very dull from what I had done. Remus tutted and continued to wipe my hands and scrape under my nails to get all the blood off while humming softly. He always did that when handling mine or anyone else's injuries, a soft, calming tune which repeated itself over and over as he rubbed some ointment into my hands, massaging it in and wrapping my hands in white bandages which smelled like the hospital wing.

He had hummed the same tune while I was in my coma I could remember little snippets here and there from the flashing moments I had been awake in those 4 days luna told me later on that I had turned in my coma or suddenly opened my eyes only for me to slip back into the coma after a few seconds she said that was the hope she was holding onto

In this time of pain and confusion, most people were keeping a low profile around me and keeping things base level. Luna never backed down, and even when I pushed her away and isolated myself, she would grab me by the hand and kiss my knuckle, leaving little pink lipstick stains along the.m

It was half may at this point, but time was still running past me like an old friend and days where blurring together like it had before I started coke, the thought lingered in my head a poltergeist haunting my every thought and as a result i had picked up smoking again after i had stopped but Remus was still very vigilant and professor McGonagall was now also watching over me like a hawk not only because of my past mistakes but also because of my current situation because Remus had made sure she knew exactly what was going on.

M: Miss Riddle, this is the second time I've seen you exiting the castle today. May I ask what is so important that it takes up your time like this? Because it isn't usual for you to leave the castle this much

D: I was just going to Hogsmeade to pick up a package, Professor

M: I think it's best you have someone else go with you, Delphini, just to make sure you make it back ok. It's been dangerous lately

The lie was so clear, I stared at her for a few seconds, contemplating whether I should just walk off like I hadn't heard her, but something inside me was triggered by her comment

D: I think I'll be fine, Professor. I am perfectly capable of picking something up on my own

M: I have to urge you to listen to me, delphini. I won't let you leave for Hogsmeade on your own

D: Why are you letting others go on their own, but not? Are you implying that I am... More dangerous than others?

M: That is not what I meant, and you know it, Delphini. I am looking out for everyone, and you are more susceptible to danger due to your heritage

D: so that's what this is about... can't live a day like anormal person can I?

M: Do not speak to me in that tone. Delphini riddle, you know I hold my peace with that part of your past, all I am doing is looking out for you in your best interest and those around

D: You know what, never mind that package, I'll just ask someone else to get it for me, I can't deal with this today...

I turned on the heel of my school shoes and walked off with a fury in my stride as the words cut at my self-confidence like my mother cut at my calves the second I messed up a spell or hesitated during missions the lingering burn the same as I walked away yet again feeling like life would never allow me to be normal human being like all those other nobodies who live their lives hoping for power not knowing its ruins your and your children's lives.