Born A Weapon

mind control

(Tw: brief mentions of child abuse and murder)

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As March and April passed me by like a horde of racing horses, I could physically feel the tension in the castle whenever I walked to class or passed the hospital wing. I would often stare at the bed I had laid on, as if it were my coffin, and I was a ghost.

Something inside me died that day, and I don't know which part, but it had shifted something inside me like a stone being lifted from a deep, dark cave I sealed years ago. Life seemed to slow and speed up at times, and I noticed my focus turning to dark magic, old relics and my family's history, the black family, but mostly the riddle and gaunt family.

From the books I could find in the restricted section to the books I found in Malfoy Manor and my father's office, I spent most days and nights writing and reading about my family, and thus I found out what happened to my grandmother.

Merope Gaunt at the ripe age of 17, had gotten pregnant with my father after using a love potion, so that was the reason for his not being able to feel or give love or affection. It was a law and requirement that all babies conceived under a love potion be aborted and or respectfully put down at birth.

I always wondered why that never happened to Father, but I understood better now because the Gaunt family, which back then was Marvolo Gaunt the father and morphine, and Merope Gaunt, a pair of brother and sister that couldn't be more apart and different from each other.

Morphine spoke mostly Parseltongue and was arrested for killing a ton of muggles, and he was still in Azkaban or dead to this day. Merope Gaunt was a different story. She was a squib and was abused by her father and brother into not being able to do magic.

She told her lover, Thomas Riddle (senior), when the potion had worn off that she was pregnant. He was horrified and ran off without a trace, leaving her broken and alone.

She died in the hospital where she gave birth because she was ignored by the staff at the hospital, who were scared of her.

Little Tom was sent to an orphanage and was raised there until he left at 17

Father never talked about it, and even when I asked about it, he got aggressive and walked away like he was hiding something, but I've learned that some secrets are better kept secret.

Me and harry grew apart more and more divided by lack of time and understanding for each other because we were held together by a mutual understanding of abuse and loss but we grew apart as perspective changed and tension grew together with doubt and regret on both sides we had fights where we screamed at each other and I said some nasty things but he was clever and snapped back twice as hard.

D: Oh, fuck off, Harry, I had to do what I had to do!

H: That shouldn't involve killing people, delphini!!

D: I had no choice, I had to harry!!!

H: You're becoming more and more like them, delphini!

D: Is that how we are going to play this?!

H: Yes, you are acting like that stupid father of yours!

D: Yeah, and how are your parents, huh??

H: How's yours?? Still killing people? Doing drugs? Have you found a new one to overdose on?

I stared at him and tears started welling up in my eyes as I had tried hard to be clean, and that day had been exactly 4 months since I had overdosed

D: That was really fucking low, Harry

Late April, early May, my father started noticing my obvious growth in the subjects and realised I was asking more and more questions about the Gaunt family and the Slytherin family, but also about dark magic and old relics, and such.

For him, it was like a world of opportunities opened up, and he started feeding my thirst for knowledge on the subject in the only way he knew how to

Showing me and teaching me things I really shouldn't know but I ate it all up as being little bonding moments which showed progress on our strained relationship and he acted so...fatherly and kind in those moments talking about how to hold my wand and even helping me with a very difficult potion I had never perfected before

I kept this a secret for a while, relishing in the feeling for the first time in my life and wanting to keep it close to my chest, but I eventually shared the situation with Luna.

L: So, he taught you how to curse an object, so it makes someone go insane over a period of time?

D: Yeah, he showed me it with this old necklace I had, and he tied it to a rat. Within a few days, it was spinning crazily in its cage

L: That sounds...a little dangerous, don't you think?

D: It was just a rat, and we killed it; it didn't suffer

L: And what did he say when you succeeded?

D: he told me I did a good job and that I had perfected the spell more than he

L: And do you believe him?

D: I- no... But it's sweet if he says that, isn't it?

L: Dell... my love. Do you not think it's manipulation? That he doing this to gain your trust?

But I didn't see past the love I was finally receiving years I yearned for his affection and time and I had been slapped in the face with a backhand each time he told me I was weak for needing my parents and begging at his feet for affection and now he turned his attitude around giving me all his time and energy.

No he didn't smile or say he loved me and if I did something wrong he would hit my fingers with a wooden ruler until they were bruised but when I finally did get it right his praise felt like a drug it felt like having climbed up rocky hills all your life and suddenly laying down on a soft grassy field with the sun in your face.

I revelled in the feeling, often exploiting his kindness, taking up hours to just study and practice together, even when I started getting annoyed or tired, and my fingers bled, and I could feel my heartbeat in them from the ruler. I kept going because I needed his praise