Born A Weapon

Fallen from Heaven (Part 2)

(tw: guilt and depression/ major mentions of self harm/drink and drug abuse/addiction/

The last week of school went by slowly in a slump of guilt and yearning. Although all of my substances had been taken away and I was being watched all day long I still tried to get some of my precious indulges several times.

Remus caught me the first time when I had some money in my pocket and was heading to Theo to beg him to allow me one last line.

R: "delphini nova riddle. Stop and stand still"

He spoke in a very authoritarian voice which made the hairs on my neck stand up I stopped in my tracks internally cursing.

R: "Empty your pockets please and give whatever is in there to me"

I looked down ashamed as I handed him the money that was in my pocket and my wand

R: "What do you need 60 galleons for on a Wednesday afternoon?"

I didn't answer and just shrugged.

R: "delphini... I know it is hard to stop and I know because I've been there and done that but this"

He pointed to the money and my nose.

R: "isn't going to fix it it's only going to make it worse and you won't feel any better than you already do. Now I will give you your money back but I will escort you to your dorm so you can put it back in your wallet

And he did just that we walked to my dorm and he watched as I put the money back in my wallet.

That was only the first time I was caught.

It happened 3 more times and every time he would make me put the money back and then would think of something to do remus would go outside with me and we would walk through the snowy grounds and talk about anything. Or we would go to his office and drink hot chocolate as he told me stories of him and the other marauders were young.

But the 4th time something switched and he just grabbed me very roughly and yanked the money out of my pocket then got close to my face as he held the money up.

R: "How many fucking times do I have to tell you to stop doing this delphini!! STOP IT"

He then walked away angrily taking my money with him

This was one of the last days in the castle and I was already feeling shit because Father had sent me a letter demanding I be home for at least one week out of the three we had for Christmas break. But this was the last drop for me I don't cry easily but this made me run off to my dorm and break down as I curled up in bed

Remus and Sirius were so disappointed in me and I felt so horrible about what I had done to Luna even though she said that nothing could make her love me any less harry was keeping his distance Draco was more distant and cold and now I had to go home to mother and father who where most likely going to beat me up for overdosing

I had ruined everything and it was all my fault they probably didn't want me at Grimmauld Place anymore as well

I wiped my tears after a few minutes and looked up around my dorm I was all alone and most people had somewhat packed already as Friday we would be going home for Christmas except for me of course as I had been stalling until the last minute

The small letter opener on my dresser caught my attention it gleamed at me like a lamp to a moth and before I could think it was already in my hand as I walked to the bathroom. It felt like such a relief as all the anger and pain drifted away in the form of thick crimson dripping down my leg onto the white tile flooring. The smooth stinging sensation filled my brain with morbid serotonin.