Heartache

Chapter 32 - Letters

Chapter 32- Letters 

The present

Libby's P.O.V

"After that day I just didn't feel like talking to anyone. I admit I shut myself out but what else was I supposed to do? My whole world just collapsed all of a sudden and I couldn't... I couldn't handle it. It became too overwhelming" I looked outside to see bright light entering the room. I don't exactly know how long I had been talking for but I knew it was a long time. I felt his body shift closer towards mine forcing me to look at him. His eyes were wet with a weak smile resting on his lips.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that" He whispered.
"I'm not sorry. I'm happy for what happened... I'm just not happy with the ending" we stayed quiet for a while letting the silence fill the room.

"How long has it been since he... you know...?" Nick asked, his voice echoing in the deserted room.
"Two weeks" I relied quietly.
"How are Jason's parents holding up?" he asked. I'm sure he noticed my discomfort.
"Their surviving" was all said but to be honest I didn't know how or where they were myself. The last time we met was at Jason's funeral and John told me the two of them want to take some time off. They had given me a note with their contact numbers on but I never looked at it.
"Why don't you call them?" Nick asked his eyes fixed on me.
"I don't have their number" I lied as the memories of them filled my mind.
"You don't have their number or you don't want to call" I looked at him with my wide eyes.
"Nick it's not that easy. You won't understand okay!" I shouted, anger rushing through me. I stood up and walked towards the door, annoyed of his presence. Nick garbed my wrist stopping my next step. I felt his body move closer to mine. I felt his arms wrap around my body and suddenly we were hugging. I hugged back tightly and rested my head against his chest crying. It felt wrong hugging Nick; like I was betraying Jason but I needed it. I needed my friend more than ever now. I let him rub my back and he ran his fingers through my hair then gently pulled me out of the hug.

"Sit down" Nick said sympathetically. I did as he said and sat down on my bed. He kneeled in front of me and held my hands in his.
"Libby do you think Jason would be happy seeing you like this? I understand the fact that you have been though a lot but you need to live. If not for yourself then at least for Jason.
"Nick I saw the love of my life, MY husband die in front of me. How am I supposed to live after that?" he remained quiet allowing me to continue. "Every time I think about being happy that day replays itself in my mind. I just can't help it. I try, I really do but I..." before I could finish I was in tears again.
"Libby you just told me such a magical story. A story filled with laughter. You need to fill your mind with those memories. You need to ignore all the bad memories and only think about the good times you two had and I'm going to help you" Nick sounded serious and he was NEVER serious.
"How?" I asked looking up at him.
"By calling your in-laws. Talk to them. Talk to Mag and Dave. Talk to your friends. Talk to me" he replied looking deep into my eyes.

For the first time in two weeks I felt like I wasn't alone. I knew it would be hard but I also knew I had Nick beside me.
"Okay"
"That's my girl. Now go have a shower first. You stink" I rolled my eyes but smiled. I smiled.
"Before Jason left he said to me I was his angle. Saving him. I think I found mine too" I looked at Nick who smiled at me.
"And I'm honoured. Now go shower before this angel gets angry and You know how I am when I get angry" he made his voice deeper and put on an angry face to scare me but Nick was one of those people who, when you look them you just automatically laugh. I nodded obediently and went into my bathroom. "And Libby" he said stopping me.
"Yeah" I turned to look at him.
"I... I love you" he said, I froze in my position. "As a friend of course." he said looking at me. I nodded and smiled then walked into the bathroom as he muttered something but I didn't take too much notice. I went into the bathroom and stripped myself from my clothes and got into the shower. As water ran down my body I thought about what Nick said. I didn't know in what way his love for me was but I knew that even if he really did love me I would never be able to return that love. My heart was already given to someone else, to Jason and will always remain with him. I just hope Nick understands. I then began to think about what Jason would want me to do and then it came to me. I knew how I was going to make myself and those around me happy but mostly I knew how I was going to make Jason happy. I finally knew what I had to do.