Together: BTS X Reader 8th Member

Chapter 82

"Glad to see that meeting worked!" Our manager gleemed after seeing the eight of us toppled on top of and next to each other on the deflated hot air balloon. A chorus of snickers came from us since we knew that we, in fact, weren't on good terms yet, and that the meeting, in fact, did not work. "Solo picture time, I need Hoseok first, the rest of you stay warm and nearby, don't mess up your looks, please!" the photographer said while shooing us away in a playful manner. I immediately stood up and walked over to Hanuel, who was waiting to touch up my makeup, and was more than ready to lecture me even more. 

"How bad?" he asked suddenly, making me confused. 

"What?" I replied, trying not to sound like the most confused person in the world.  "How badly do you like Jungkook? Do you love him? Do you think you could love him?" I shook my head at his words, trying to process everything he was asking me. I was only 18, how could I understand what love was meant to feel like when my frontal lobe wasn't even fully developed? 

"I don't know..." I whispered, hardly audible, but Hanuel still heard.

 "Let me put it this way. You were able to have sex with him. That is the closest you can get to someone both physically and emotionally. Assuming you were both sober, you did it competently, and based on what Jungkook said, it happened more than once. I haven't known you for long, but you can't even hug someone if you don't have a strong connection with them, let alone have sex with them." I stood there, shocked and looking at the floor, trying to process what he said. He was right. I couldn't even bring myself to hug some of the staff I've known since my debut, or fellow idols, because I wasn't close enough to them. 

"What, hate that I'm being sensible?" Hanuel blurting, pulling me from my thoughts as I looked at him. "No, I just don't know what to do. I understand I can't keep ignoring them, but then making a rash decision without me just made me so angry with them." he nodded along at my words, taking in the information like a normal person. No comments about my body or my looks, he was just listening like a normal person. 

"I'm not telling you to forgive them or that your feelings aren't valid, because they are. You just can't ignore them (Y/N), that's not going to solve anything, and trust me...letting someone go because of something that can be talked out isn't a good feeling." That's when it hit me. He had lost someone he loved in a similar situation. 

"Who was it? The person you lost?" I asked gently

 "Choi Bomi," he whispered, looking down at the grass below us. "She was perfect. She was my Jungkook. I met her in school, and it was perfect; we were inseparable." He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. 

"I thought we'd last forever, but one night she wanted to talk. She said I had been distant and that I wasn't the same person. I was too prideful to even have the conversation. I thought I'd have time to fix it later." He swallowed hard, his voice barely audible. 

"There was no later. She was gone. She moved out of Korea and never came back." 

I couldn't tell which hung heavier, the sorrowful feeling in the air, or the silence that followed. I didn't want to follow in his path; I wanted to be with Jungkook. Suddenly, my anger and stubbornness were so small. What they did wasn't perfect, but no one is perfect. I could either talk to them like an adult or keep ignoring them and risk losing them. Disbanding didn't mean I'd never see them again, but avoidance could.

The thought of Hanuel losing Bomi burned in my mind. I couldn't let that happen with me and the boys. I couldn't. Not when I still had the chance to make it right. 

"Just talk to him," he said, breaking the silence with a shaky voice. "Don't let Jungkook be your Bomi." I nodded, feeling my voice stuck in my throat, preventing me from saying anything. "Not now, you're next for the photoshoot, but later," he continued, bringing the makeup brush to my face and gently smoothing out my blush.