Straykids One shot book

Blames on me

Ship: Chan x Minho
Triggers/Warnings: broken hearts, depression, selfharm, insecurities, suicide attempt

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2 ½ years ago

It was a sunny afternoon at the 'Coffee of soul' Café, where the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. Minho, a regular customer, couldn't help but notice the barista with the warmest dimple smile. That was Chan, the new employee who had just started working here. He sat down at his regular table and waited for someone to come over to take his order. He was browsing the menu a bit when he suddenly saw another person in the corner of his eye. "Hey, welcome to Coffee of Soul, my name is Chan, what can I get you?" He asked with that warm dimple smile. Minho stared at the boy in front of him for a while until he was pulled out of his stare by a hand in front of his face. "Oh.. I'm sorry.. I'd like a cup of hot chocolate and one of the blueberry cupcake, please." he said, Chan nodded, smiled at the boy in front of him and walked off with said order.

A few minutes later, Chan walked back up to Minho's table with his order, again he smiled at Minho with that beautiful smile and walked off after the words "Bon appetit." Minho now also had a smile on his face and was enjoying his hot chocolate and blueberry cupcake. As days turned into weeks, Minho found himself visiting the café more frequently, just to catch a glimpse of Chan. They would exchange small talk, laugh at each others jokes and slowly, a beautiful bond formed between them. It was like they were meant to meet in that little café.

The two of them also do a lot of things together in their private lives, and soon a large group of friends formed with both Chan's friends as well as Minho's friends. Everyone got along surprisingly quickly and everyone found one or more people to talk to with whom they could talk for hours. This was mostly true for Chan and Minho. The two grew closer and closer with each passing month. Until at some point they couldn't take it anymore and took the first big step.

They became boyfriends.  

But behind Chans cheerful demeanor, there was a hidden pain. Minho started noticing -after two to three months- scars on Chans wrists, a sign of the self-harm that Chan had been struggling with. It broke Minhos heart to see someone he cared about hurting themselves. So Minho tried his best to be always there for Chan in any possible moment he noticed that something was off with his boyfriend. He tried his best to support the older one, providing a listening ear, offering comfort, and encouraging Chan to seek professional help. 

However Chans self-harm continued to take a toll on their relationship. It became increasingly difficult for them to navigate the emotional challenges they faced together. They often argued and yelled at each other, even when they were out with their friends. Chan didn't know how to deal with it other than hurting himself. He hated himself enough, and the fact that he felt like he was losing the love of his life just didn't make the whole thing any better. 

His condition got worse and so did the arguments with Minho. It got to the point where Minho packed his things and left Chan alone for days and sometimes up to a week. Every day of Minho's missing presence, more and more cuts appeared on Chan's arms, which grew deeper and deeper as time went on. Chan's friends were very worried about the older boy, but he shut down, everything and everyone. Until something happened, which destroyed him more than self-hatred ever could. 

After two and a half years of love, laughter, and tears, they made the painful decision to break up. It wasn't because they stopped loving each other, but because they realized they needed time apart to focus on their individual healing journeys. After they parted ways, Chan fell into an even deeper hole. He no longer went to work, he did not leave his apartment and certainly not his bed. He didn't eat nor drink anything. What he did was hurting himself day and night, the only thing that made him feel alive.