The Selection (Troyler AU)

♔Part XLV♔

Hi I suck at updating also socializing I've been in high school for three weeks I think and I barely started regularly talking to these girls in my PE class and one girl in my Human Geo but we have to work together for a project also we have nothing in common tru but I mean there's worse things than sucking at making friends (my current English grade for example yikes) but whatever fuck everything else Colors by Halsey is all that matters so yano.

Also wowowowow I really suck at updating I am sorry

Troye POV

About two days after the ball, Tyler knocked on my bedroom door after work hours were over, a look of trepidation on his face.  "Do you have time to talk?" he asked, lifting an inquiring brow.

I swallowed roughly, wondering what would come of this conversation.  Of course, I'd figured that he'd come by at some point; from clearing the air to addressing the elephant in the room, we had a lot to talk about.

Yet, I couldn't help but feel nervous by what he might have to say to me.  Since returning to my room after the scene back at the Courtyard, I'd pushed thoughts of what's happened on the back of my mind, afraid of what would happened when I addressed them.  Would I regret what happened?  Would I consider it a monumental mistake?  Would I be sorry that it happened to begin with?

Those are three completely different questions.

"Yeah, of course," I said after a beat, stepping aside to let Tyler inside.  He offered a smile, but I could tell he must've been hesitant about this conversation himself, because it wasn't his usual, easy smile; it was something more forced, like he wanted to make the situation light, but was having trouble keeping the wariness out of his expression.  It reminded me of the expression on the staff members' faces, whenever we have to go in the infirmary for our regular vaccinations.  Everyone puts on a brave face, acting like the needles were nothing to worry about - when, in reality, you can totally see the ones that are petrified of needles.  They're aware that the feeling will be unpleasant, but that fear gets blown out of proportion, and then suddenly it's hard to breathe, to think. 

But for the sake of not worrying anyone around them, they do their best to hide it.

I sat down on the corner of my bed, expecting Tyler to do the same, since it was obvious we had quite a bit to discuss.  When I looked up, however, he was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, as if unsure of himself.  I offered him a feeble smile, searching for that thread of familiarity that'd held us together since becoming friends, telling him,"You can sit down, you know.  I promise I won't bite."

He blinked.  "Right," he said abruptly, a flush of red tinting his cheeks.  He shook his head slightly, as if shaking himself out of his thoughts, and took a seat beside me. 

The silence settled between us once again, and I couldn't help but let it be a reminder of how horribly I handle silence. It wasn't even because Tyler - or anyone else, really - made me uncomfortable, or anything like that that. It's just. . .the quiet scares me because it screams the truth, I guess.

And right now, the truth spoke volumes of the fears I was terrified of saying aloud.

"I'm sorry about Zoë, by the way," I blurted out loud suddenly, desperately needing to fill the air with something other than the pounding of my heart and the shouting of my thoughts. We'd all watched on the TV in the Servant's Lounge what had happened to Zoë and Alfie.  Of course, I didn't know either of them, but I knew that Tyler liked Zoë.  She seemed like a really nice person, and I can't imagine what it must be like to watch someone you care about get publicly caned on national television.