Sexuality Secret ( Book 4 )

Thirty-Two

" What the hell ? " I wake up groaning as I feel my palm is on fire . Holding my hands infront of my face , I gasped .

My hands is now on bandage and I can't remember if I get any cut from last night . All I remember is we getting off the plane in the middle of the night .

" You need to understand this Louis . I'm not afraid to bump into her but the things is , she has created enough drama . More than I could handle . " Zayn's voice is raise slightly and my eyes immediately darted towards the direction where the voice came from .

" Zayn . "

" Don't tell me that I'm afraid to face her because it was the last thing that will happen . "

" Calm down Zayn . It's just a simple photoshoot . " this time , it's Louis turn to raise his voice .

" If you avoid her , her fans will label you as a coward . "

" Then so be it . They don't know me and hell , they are not God . That's give them no right to judge me . "

" Fine . Fine . I'll tell them that you are sick or something . " Louis sounded dissappointed with Zayn .

" Okay . I'll be here so find me after the photoshoot is done . " Zayn close the door afterward , putting his hands on it as he take a deep breath .

" Is everything alright ? " I blurted out without my mind's permission .

Slowly Zayn turn on his heels to face me that is now sitting on our bed .

" Perrie is in town . " he reply shortly .

" Then ? " I decided to ask further .

" We need to do some photoshoot for the local paper after we landed last night and since you aren't in a good condition , we have to delay it . " something about the photoshoot that makes Zayn feels unhappy .

" Zayn , I still don't get it . "

" Which part of Perrie in town does not makes you understand ? " he raised his voice and I was shocked to hear it .

He never ever raise his voice at me . Not even when I'm being sarcasm 24/7 . Not even when he has to tend with my picky attitude and fargile state .

" Since she is in town , the paper also decided to make two photoshoot at the same time . Us with her band together . " I stay silent , doesn't want to interrupt him .

" I was trying my best to avoid her and God isn't let me have some rest . Don't He gets it that I don't want to meet her ? Ever . " he slowly walks towards the bed , sitting down besides my feets .

" It was her fans that did it . Not her . " I speak quietly .

" But she didn't try to stop them . What did I do when people is trashing her around ? Did I let it happened without doing anything ? "

" No . You defended her . "

" I sent out tweets , telling the fans to calm the f down . But when it's my turn to get the dissing , she stand there and done nothing . " now I can see why he is so frustrated .

" Nobody knows about why I break the engagement but yet again , people tend to blame it on me while I'm doing it for her . " I flinched at Zayn's tone .

I want to hide away and wait until he has calm down but I'm his girlfriend . The one that he truly trust right now so it's my job to calm him down .

" Zayn , maybe you shouldn't avoid her . " his face flash me a disbelieve looks .

" Which side are you on right now Cara ? " he asked me all seriously .

" I'm on your side Zayn but I believe that avoiding her is not an option . She is still alive and came from the same country as yours . There are many chances that you could suddenly bump into her out of nowhere . " I reasoned out .

" I can't see her Cara . " he mumble above the whisper .

" Why ? "

" She will brings back memory that I try to buried away . I still love her Cara . " it's like his words just ripped my soul away .

" Sure I have you and what we had together is amazing but I learnt to love her for the past 4 years and that isn't something that I could easily throw away . " he admitted the truth . Old man wise said , the truth kills and the only that get the effect is me .

" If you see her again , is there any chances that you will go back to her ? " I have to ask this . I need to know .

And Zayn couldn't answer . He open his mouth to say anything but nothing came out . That's enough for me to understand what's going on .

" Okay , I get it . All this is just some ways to makes you forget her . " he scoot closer , straddling me .

" Cara , listen to me . "

" You told me enough Zayn . " I blink back the tears .

For once I thought that it would be enough . Enough for him to love me but it wasn't that easy .

" Cara , you don't understand . "

" Understand what Zayn ?! " I yelled but my voice is cracking .

" If you dare to think that you are just some rebound girl , I will f you right here and now until all you know is me deep inside you . " he threaten , making me froze .

" I love you Cara , I really do . You are my strength to make me through all this . Maybe I still love her but it's just my heart that is trying to recover from the past that is hunting my life . " he cupped my cheeks .

" It's not easy for me Cara but believe me when I say I love you . Don't you realized that I didn't use protection or try to pull out when I'm with you ? " my eyes widen .

" It's because I don't care if you end up carrying my baby . I could start to imagine my life with you and all I want is you . So please don't give up on me now because I'm not planning to give up on you . " he stare into my eyes , honestly lingering in his eyes .

" One thing that I want to know . " he nod , motion me to continue .

" What happened to my hands ? " he chuckles , hand moving to my waist as he start to kiss me .