Sexuality Secret ( Book 4 )

Thirty-Four

" Zayn , we need to talk . " inside I was torned apart but I put my brave face on .

" Cara , can you wait ? I have another photoshoot session . " he speaks gently but I could sense the cold tone in his voice .

" This is really important . " I insisted .

Zayn looks defeated as he nod .

" Boys , I need to go to the toilet . " he lied and not waiting for their answer as he grab my upper arm .

He pull me gently to exit the room and we are now standing at the same hallway where we have our encounter with Perrie .

" What is it ? " he cross his arms over his chest , leaning back on the wall .

" Uh , I need to go back to England . " his eyes widen at my request .

" And why is that ? " I bite my lips , don't know how to explain this .

" I'm not calling to nag about how you dissappear . I'm calling to tell you something . " she sounded so serious and I has feelings that this is not going to be a good news .

" Okay . " I reply weakly .

" Cara , I know I'm supposed to share this news with you and Brad but I couldn't do it . You two are my world and I couldn't be the reason why you are sad . " her voice enough to tell me that she is at the edge of crying .

" What's wrong mom ? "

" I was scanned with breast cancer stage 2 , a month after your father's death . " I was frozed to my spot .

" At that time , the doctor reassure me that I'll be fine . They can cure it with some consistance treatment and medication . " she started to sob .

" Yesterday , they told me that the cancer is getting worst . I'm at the stage 4 now and there is few weeks left for me too .. " she didn't finish the sentence and she didn't have too .

" I'm sorry but can you get home now ? I want to spend times with my kids before I go . "

" Cara ? " Zayn's voice snapped me from my thought .

" I really need to go back home . " suddenly he chuckles .

" So , it's true ? " I feel the pressure started to build up inside me . I could feel my mother is slipping away with every second I waste here .

" What ? "

" You feel threaten with Perrie's accusation and then you want to leave ? " what the hell is he talking about .

" This has nothing to do with .. "

" Is that true ? That you are using me for my fame and money ? " I should be on my next flight home but he is delaying it .

" No Zayn . " all I could think about is my mother .

" Then why you suddenly want to fly back ? Are you trying to run away ? " I couldn't stare at him and I couldn't answer him either .

" You are afraid that I might believe her sooner or later and you decided to just leave ? " he keep pushing my buttons .

" How could I forgot that you are a lesbian ? In fact you even have a girfriend . " he shakes his head , finding all this amusing .

" How could I be so stupid ? " I am at the edge of bursting and if he didn't stop , I will break down .

" You make me looked stupid infront of my ex when I started to love you . How could you do this to me ? " silent from my side .

" Answer me Cara . " he snatch my arms harshly , making me whimper in pain .

" How could you fooled me Cara ? What I have ever done to you ? " what ever you have done to me ?

What ever he has done to me ?

" Yes , you are a fool . The most stupidest , foolest person I ever meet . If that even a word . " he seems taken back with my sudden snap .

" So you are admitting that .. "

" That I love you ? Yes , I'm admitting it now . Loud and clear in case you are too deaf with negative thoughts of me , thanks to Perrie of course . " his face is priceless as he stare at me .

" I always love you Zayn . From the start and I'm not talking about the day we meet at the restaurant no , I was talking about the end of X-Factor . " maybe this is a right time to admitted the truth .

The truth hurts but I can't lie anymore .

" You are my favourite member of One Direction . I memorise every solo you had from What Makes You Beautiful until Night Changes because everytime I heard it , I want to be able to sing along . " he wanted to say something but I cut him off .

" I was there when they wanted to kick you out from the band . I was there when you get your first tattoos . I was there when you first perform at O2 Arena . " I pull out my useless phone and toss it towards him .

" When my mom sets me up with you , it was a dream came true . I get off the car because Letty told me that you are there . " tears are streaming down my face at the mention of my mother .

" But you are a lesbian . How could .. "

" I said it to that guy because I wanted to scared him off . That was never directed to you . I am straight and I have loving you since the beggining of One Direction . " he got even more shocked at my confession .

" The reasons why I screwed up every blind date my mom set me up is because I have a dream and I'm saving myself for you . I know you are engaged but a girl can dreams right ? " I chuckles with pain , shaking my head .

" Letty is my bestfriend . Never been my girlfriend because in my life , I only love one man and that is you . " the same person that hurts me more than anything else .

" Why you never tell me any of this ? "

" You said you are glad I'm a lesbian remember ? So you can act like a sweet boyfriend without commitment . I saw how much you needed me to hold on so I bite my lips from saying the truth . " I let it all out , not holding a single piece back .

" My mother needs me and that's why I'm leaving . In case you started to doubt about what I'm telling you right now , you can check my phone for the truth . " I wipe my tears , ready to leave .

" Bye Zayn . " I know I promise that I would never leave his side but I have no choice .

This is what I'm supposed to do long time ago .

I'm literally crying .