Louis, You Are Not the Father.

The Mirror

Louis Tomlinson threatens Barack Obama and Niall Horan, but wait! There's a twist!

     Louis Tomlinson is currently facing charges for assualt on Barack Obama. He allegedly has tried to drown Obama. He savagely broke into the white house and poured water over his head, clipping his nose. During the attack his only words were "It's all ogre now." Obama responded with "Feels bad man." Before arresting Tomlinson.

Tomlinson only promised he'd be back for him, and Obama asked how.

"On my jet, bitch."

Why, you ask? Here's what we know!
    
     After rumors surfaced of Barack Obama and Niall Horan possibly fathering long time enemy Harry Styles' baby, Louis went into a rage.

     "Louis was very upset. He couldn't believe Harry was pregnant with Niall and godfather Obama. Only because he felt like once again his rival was trying to upstage him with his baby news. Louis was extremely angry."

     Louis is allegedly at feud with mate Niall Horan. Niall is currently under oath at the Funky Buddha. "It's been raining for years now." Must be bad weather!

     Harry Styles is currently devastated about our new shocking revelation. Niall Horan and Barack Obama have a secret affair! This leaves Harry devastated with no man.

      "He's such a hoe." Harry sobbed, holding a tissue to his eye. "What's Niall's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. He a hoe. What's the difference between a Niall and a solar powered calculator? Niall works in the dark. Whore. What does Niall put behind his ears to make him more attractive? His ankles. He's like a public bike. Everyone's ridden him. Who makes more money, me or Niall? Niall because he can wash his crack and reuse it. I'm so done. Thots everywhere."

More to come.

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