Louis, You Are Not the Father.

The Sun

"Hello boys. We hear you have published your new book, entitled 'The Diary of One Direction'."

"Yes we have actually I'd like to thank our managers for everything y'know like-"

"Shut the fuck up." Harry spoke, cradling Nemo in his hands. "He's sleeping."

"So Harry," the interviewer whispered. "Who is the father?"

Harry stopped dead in his cradling motions. "Nemo don't need a daddy."

"Nemo has too many daddies." Louis scoffed.

"Fucking fight me!" Harry screeched.

"I might get herpes!" Louis retorted.

"You know how I feel, why would you say that?" Harry began crying.

"Harry-"

"Like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation."

Then a wild Zayn appeared.

"Oh hi chlamydia boy." Zayn smirked.

"Normal 22 year old."

"We meet again."

"It seems we do." Harry narrowed his eyes.

"Seems we have."

"Dance off."

"Harry," Zayn whined.

"I'm sorry man I forgot you fail at fucking everything."

"Get recked." Louis nodded.

"Rap battle."

"My name is Harry, I'm so very, fly oh my it's a little bit scary. Boys wanna marry-"

"PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY MARIJUANA!"

"YE!" Louis shouted. He quickly regained himself.

Zayn's head snapped around.

"Louis?"

"Bus 1."

"It faded."

"So did you." Louis nodded.

"Ouch." Niall whispered.

"What?" They all turned to Niall.

"I broke my knee."