Mind Games.

chapter 35: Going back.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't even think. What is happening? Am I dreaming? Is this reality...
Yes, it was. It was my reality, at the moment. Yes, I had kissed Connor before. And yes, it may have been a good kiss, but Mr. Marsh was different, as always, on a completely different level than Connor. He knew exactly how to use his lips. At first it was slow. Like he was savoring the moment. And to be truthful, so was I. His lips gently carressed my top lip, then my bottom one.
Eventually, when I couldn't find any other form of action, my lips moved in sync with his. My move had encouraged him, telling him that I was ok with it. He smiled in the kiss and wrapped his right hand around my head so he could entangle his hand in my newly washed hair, which was already down.
I decided, this is the opportunity, Alice! I moved both of my hands to the back of his head, running my fingers through his flawless hair. It felt like I was running them through a pile of silk. Pile of silk?
While I was more concentrated on his hair, I didn't notice that his other hand had found its way to my leg, and was now slowly rubbing it. The friction between his hand and my skin sent chills through me, and a small moan escaped me.
He took the opportunity to slip his tongue in my mouth. Just like his lips, he was good with his tongue, too. I moaned again as my left hand slipped down his neck to his shoulder. He pressed himself against me, so I was now laying on my back on the couch. He removed the hand from the back of my head and brought it to the zipper on my shirt, pulling it down. I unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt while his hand slowly trailed up to my right breast. He gave it a slight squeeze, and I arched my back. He pulled his tongue out of my mouth and kissed from my jaw line up to my ear. Then, he whispered to me,
"I want you, Alice." This is what snapped me from the intamacy of the moment.
What am I doing? This is wrong...
"Simon?" He didn't hear me, he just kissed me on the lips again while his other hand krept slowly up my leg.
"Simon, stop..." I tried to push him away, but he slipped both of his hands slightly under my tank top, pulling it up...
"Stop!" I quickly pushed him off of me and ran to the other side of the couch, breathing. He stared back at me, wide eyed.
"Shit, I-I'm sorry..." He trailed off and stood up. I sighed and wiped my eye.
"No, I'm sorry. It's just..."
"Yes?" He asked. I thought for a moment. He's waiting for an answer, stupid...
"I...well, it's just that...no one's ever touched me like that before." I told him. He smiled gently, like he had only moments before, and nodded.
"It's ok, Alice. I understand." He started to walk away towards his bedroom. No, do something!
"Simon?" I said, turning to him. He stopped in front of his door, and then turned to face me.
"Yes Alice?" He asked. I bit my lip, then I looked down at my feet. Then, I looked back up at him and said,
"You didn't teach me how to dance, yet." I smiled at him. He smiled back and shook his head.
"No, I haven't." He walked over to his radio and turned it on, then, he turned to face me. He held out a hand for me to take. I smiled and walked over to him, setting my hand on top of his. He wrapped the other hand at a comfortable place around my waist and held my other hand straight out with his. I laid my head on his chest as we swayed in a little circle. I could hear his steady heartbeat.
Then, a song called, 'Skinny love,' came on. Mr. Marsh smiled and said,
"My mother used to sing this when I was little and I couldn't sleep." When the person started singing, he sang along. His voice sounded like a choir of angels. I smiled and listened quietly.
After a few songs, Mr. Marsh said,
"I'm tired."
"Me too," I stated. He smiled and lifted me up in his arms. I leaned my head on the crook of his neck. He opened the door to my room and set me gently underneath the covers. Then, he looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Goodnight, Alice." I sat up and smiled.
"Goodnight, Simon." I leaned in and kissed his cheek lightly. He smiled, then got up and left the room. I laid down in bed and sighed. Well...I'm not even sure what to think.
Mr. Marsh and I started heading back to Princeton at 9:56 the next morning. It was not akward, or uncomfortable. We enjoyed each other's company all the way back. When he dropped me off in front of my dorm, he smiled and said,
"Alice?"
"Yes, Simon?" I asked, turning to him. He smiled and said,
"I'll see you tomorrow in class." I smiled and nodded.
"Yes, you will. Thank you for this weekend, it was...awesome." I told him. He chuckled and nodded.
"Bye."
"Bye." I waved as he drove off the campus. Libby was sitting up in the room, painting her nails. When I walked in, she sat up in bed and said,
"Alice! How was your vacation?!" She asked while getting up to help me with my bag. I smiled to myself. Magical? Amazing? Extraordinary?
"It was...good, I guess. What about you?" I asked her. She smiled and sat with her legs crossed on her bed.
"Well, my aunt came over and made marshmallow cake, then my big sister came with her husband, and her water broke right in the middle of Christmas dinner!"
"Really?" I asked, turning to look at her. She nodded quickly and smiled.
"Yes! She had a little boy and she named him Wyatt." She pulled out her phone and opened her camera app.
"Look!" She held the phone out so I could see it. I saw a little boy with a blue hat and brown hair in the photo. She giggled and pulled the phone back.
"He's adorable, isn't he?" She asked. I nodded my head and started putting my things away.
"Yeah, he is..." I trailed off. My mind couldn't help but wonder to the previous day. And I began to think.
What if I didn't stop him? What if I didn't want to stop. What if...
"What's wrong, Alice?" Libby brought me back to reality by saying my name and shaking me by the shoulders. I shook my head and looked over to her.
"Hmm, what!?!"
"Are you ok?" She asked me. I nodded and set my hand on top of my head.
"Yes, I'm fine...it's just..."
"Yes?" She urged me to continue. I knew that i couldn't tell her about it, because no one could keep that secret for very long, and Mr. Marsh would lose his job. I didn't want that. So instead of telling her, I said,
"I couldn't stop thinking of what Connor's going to do to me for a revenge prank." Which was parcially true since that morning. She stared back for a minute, then she smiled and patted my back.
"Dont worry, Alice. There's nothing he can do that's worse than what we did." Hopefully, I thought to myself. We finished putting my things away, then she invited me out for a walk. I agreed and we started outside.
The day was cloudy and a slight breeze wondered lazily through the air. I strolled casually behind Libby, not really minding my surroundings. I really should have, because after about five minutes, Libby turned to me and said,
"Debbie needs me to bring her some things, do you mind waiting here?" She smiled at me. I nodded and shrugged.
"Not at all, go ahead." She smiled again and I watched her walk around the corner. I sighed and decided to take a seat on a bench that was near by. I watched the other people on campus as they went about their day. Some walked, some ran, others just watched. Like I did. I wonder what my parents would think of Simon...
Or Mr. Marsh? Or Simon...I'm getting confused.
Then, out of no where, Connor came and sat down beside me. He acted like nothing was wrong, but I couldn't help but be surprised. He turned to me and smirked in his best way.
"Hello, Alice." He stated. I looked back in front of me, trying not to run. I crossed my legs nonchalantly.
"Hello, Connor. How are you today?" I asked him. He crossed his arms and sighed.
"Oh, I'm better than you're going to be, that's for sure."
"Oh, and what makes you think that?" I said, just to say something. Don't act nervous...
"Oh, call it intuition. Or maybe it's the little 'joke' you pulled in New York." He smirked at me, knowing that I was nervous as all hell. I stood up and took a few steps away.
"Oh, we both know you liked it, Connor." I stated, smiling to myself. He got up and walked at the same pace as me.
"It's possible, but not as much as you liked kissing me."
"Oh, get over yourself, Connor." I said, my voice cracking. He smirked and said,
"Why should I?" Then, I said something that I knew was stupid to say even as it came out of my mouth.
"Because I've found someone else to kiss!" You dumbass!!!
He stopped dead in his tracks for a moment and said,
"What?" I hesitated for a moment, but then continued walking.
"You heard me."
"Who?" He asked, walking next to me again. I shook my head.
"It's none of your business." I stated.
"Who, Alice?" He asked, grabbing my arm firmly in his hand. I stopped in my tracks and wringled my arm.
"Let go of me!"
"No, tell me!" He half yelled, shaking me. I brought my left hand up to connect with his cheek. After I slapped him, he let my arm go, and he stared back at me with a mixture of feelings. Anger, hatred...and a hint of something else...
I took a quick breath and said,
"I...I didn't mean to-"
"You better enjoy today, Alice, because you're going to regret that tomorrow." He turned around quickly and walked off to the other side of campus. I stood frozen in my place, unable to move.
Then, I heard two familiar voices say in unison,
"Hello, Alice!" When I turned to face them, the twins enveloped me in a giant hug. I forgot my troubles for a minute as I enjoyed their presence. When they pulled back, they pulled me to a huge oak tree and we all sat down.
"So, tell us about your vacation!" Xavier told me. I smiled and thought of a story.
"Oh, my uncle Oliver took me with his family to go skiing and stuff."
"What did you get?" Xander asked me. My hand went immediately to the necklace around my neck.
"A necklace."
"Cool. I got a flamethrower!"
"And I got a new four wheeler!" Xavier exclaimed. I smiled and listened to their stories about Germany and their parents. It made me wish I could talk to mine, and wish them a happy holiday.
I finally said goodnight to them when my clock said, 8:45. I walked back into the room and picked out my pajamas. Then, I stepped into the shower and closed my eyes. In my mind, I replayed the scene from earlier in my head. The feeling of his silky hair against my skin. The weight of his body on top of mine. His soft, full lips pressed into mine....
I shook my head and poured some shampoo into my hand. That can never happen again. For three reasons, 1; he could lose his job. 2; Kendall, and 3; he's too good for me. And that was simply that.
After I dried off, I put on my black pajama pants with a white tank top and I walked back off to my bed. When I laid down, the last thing that went through my mind was fear. What is Connor going to do? Probably nothing good.

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Hope you liked it, enjoy the next one, bye! :).