What I Want

Chapter Forty Four

Taylor's P.O.V

"What are you talking about Karlie?" I question looking shocked despite all I've heard her say about Cara and the kiss. "When do you want me to leave? It's simple really Taylor." Karlie states glancing at me. "I don't." I respond with anger seeping in. 'How dare she think about leaving me.' I think to myself as she keeps talking. "Be serious Taylor." She states standing and stalking to the far side of the apartment to look down at the paparazzi. I quickly follow her but stop near the doorway to watch her sigh. I walk towards her and wrap my arms around her back before roughly turning her to face me. "Listen Karlie..." I say while trying to get her to look at me. She finally does and I can see her traditional green eyes are lacking anything that resembles their usual cherry look. "I love you, Allie loves you and you aren't leaving me again." I state before thinking. A frown rushes over Karlie's face as she looks at me before saying, "wait when?" I sigh and look away before looking back at her.
"After your accident with Zoe and you forgot me, you just had no idea who I was and it was like you left me, walked out and were gone. I don't want to go through that again." Karlie's eyes cloud over as she looks at me but then says. "Okay, I'll stay..." I smile but she speaks again and it breaks me, "separate bedrooms though." I go to argue with her but she turns away, obviously horrified with herself even though Cara kissed her. 'I guess she underestimates me.' I think as I watch her move away. "If that's what you want." I whisper to her retreating form while feeling my heart break.

Later that night Allie has been fed, bathed, changed and put to bed by Karlie while I cleaned up the kitchen and watched TV. The entire apartment feels different and it feels strange and weird. I don't really like it, I'm almost settled back into the soft couch in the living room when a shadow casts across the room, I glance towards the doorway and see Karlie standing there, not really knowing where to go or what to do. She goes to leave before I speak. "Wait, don't leave." She pauses and turns back. "I don't know how I'm supposed to act..." she states, which surprises me. I stand and walk towards her, extending my hand. "Come." I whisper. She looks at me and takes my hand as I breathe a sigh of relief. Eventually we end up next to each other on the couch. "So uhm, how long do you want separate rooms Karlie?" I question as she plays with her wedding ring. I smile and when she sees me looking she stops. "Uhm, I'm not sure. A while I guess." I move closer to her and take her hands, running my fingers along them. "Karlie this is stupid, share the bed with me. You're my wife." Karlie slowly removes her hands and stands up to leave. I feel my heart shatter all over again, I can't believe that Cara kissing her has put this fear into our lives. "Please Taylor..." she begs, I stare at her "what Karlie? What am I supposed to think?" Karlie says nothing but glances at me every few seconds before speaking. "I think we should just stay in separate rooms." I can hardly breathe now but I'm trying to hold on.

Nodding slightly she turns and leaves, pausing at the stairs to turn and come back to me, my heart instantly lightens but turns again when she gently presses a small peck to my forehead. "Goodnight Taylor." I watch her leave, every instinct is screaming at me to run after her but I know she would pull away. "Goodnight sunshine, I love you..." I whisper to myself before curling up on the couch and listening to New York traffic sounds until I fall asleep. My dreams are plagued with Karlie, only instead of Karlie telling me about Cara I walk into the apartment and see them having sex on our floor. They both glance at me but say nothing as I walk through to Allie who has been abandoned in the kitchen with a dirty diaper, walking back towards them I see Cara whisper to Karlie that she loves her and in that moment Karlie lays a huge passionate kiss on her lips...my surroundings brighten as I sit up quickly and end up toppling off the couch. Sitting up and massaging my head I stand and glance to my right at the clock. Seeing it's now 2.34am I decide I should head to bed. Not even attempting to curl into the guest room with Karlie I go to our room. Stripping down to bra and underwear I crawl under the blankets as the darkness of the room forces me to snuggle further down, forcing me to smell mine and Karlie's combined smell which makes me feel worse. 'Why is this always happening to me? Why couldn't Cara find her own bitch and not my wife?' With these few questions lingering in my mind I turn and realise that again I am sleeping in a cold bed with no-one to hold.

Karlie's P.O.V

Morning comes too quickly after my troubled night's sleep. It felt strange to be home but not in my bed, my married bed. 'Well you ruined that...' I tell myself even though I am aware that Cara kissed me, I still feel guilty. I can't change the idea of it but I can't make the image of Cara pushing herself onto me fade either. It drives me insane. When I close my eyes it's all I see. Rising from the guest bedroom I notice it seems very quiet, too quiet for a household that has a one year old in it. Venturing out into the hallway I casually peep into Allie's nursery but I see no Allie and a freshly made crib with the changing mat in a different place to where I put it last night. Wandering past Taylor's and my room I see the door is open and the bed made which makes me frown, glancing at my phone in my hand it's only 9.46am, far too early for Taylor to be awake after her late night. I know she didn't get to bed until nearly 3.00am because I waited for her to arrive into our room safely.

Downstairs is the same as upstairs, the high chair is next to the island, where a string of Allie's rattles are which makes me smile. Glancing towards the sink I see the dishes are all done and stacked on the dry rack which I usually dry for my wife. 'I shouldn't use that word so freely.' I decide considering the circumstances. I am about to turn away when I see a note from Taylor attached to our notice board. It reads:

Karlie,

By the time you read this Allie and I are likely to have been gone for a while. Trust me when I say this is for your own good. I can't imagine living life without you and even spending two hours alone in our marital bed when you were a room away felt wrong. I talked to Tree and organized this for us, for our family. Maybe if you're up early enough you can watch it on TV, I have it recording too. Please don't be mad but this interview will bring everything out into the open, in case you are wondering, we will be at Jimmy Fallon and we go onstage at 11.00am. We love you and I am doing this for us because I can't and won't lose you again. Love you.

Love Taylor and Allie.

I tear my face away from the letter long enough to see the time is now 9.57am. 'Shit, Jimmy Fallon is nearly an hour from here.' Without really thinking it through I strip off my pyjamas in the kitchen and throw them towards the hallway that leads to the laundry before grabbing a pair of skinny jeans and a plaid shirt from the clean laundry basket in the lounge and shoving my feet into a pair of Nike's before rushing downstairs past the startled security men and hailing a cab to Jimmy Fallon in the worst traffic busy city in the world, well next to L.A. As the cab rushes me towards Jimmy all I can think about is my family on the other end. Somehow I knew I had to let Taylor in and stop letting Cara's mistake cost me my family, which would really make it my mistake then.