What I Want

Chapter Thirty Eight

13th June 2015

Karlie's P.O.V

The North American tour has come and gone so quickly that sometimes it's hard to remember the first show. Every night without fail I stand with Allie at side stage, her little headphones on to deafen the noises of the crowd and the instruments and then every night Taylor and I crawl into bed on the tour bus. Sometimes the band and dancers stay in a hotel room that Taylor's company pay for but for us it's easier with Allie to stay on the bus. Tonight marks the last night of the first half of the North American tour and the second night in Philadelphia and to be honest the crowds sound louder every night, no matter where we are. It's been a month since we got married and in that month nothing has changed in the slightest. Allie has gotten bigger and every day she looks like she is going to crawl but nothing yet. Unfortunately tonight's show is also the last show that Allie and I will be at until Taylor gets back from Europe. Her European tour kick starts on the 19th in Cologne, Germany before she travels to the Netherlands then to Scotland then London and finishing up in Ireland for two nights. I know that Taylor is flying back after the last Ireland show and leaving her crew to do the clean-up because she wants us to go and look at adoption between then and when she leaves on the 6th of July for Canada for two days. Even though I've reassured her that the travelling is part of her job I can see that her priorities are slowly shifting to the point where I know she doesn't want to leave for Europe.

"Karlie, are you here?" I quietly try to rock Allie because she's grouchy but my wife yelling is doing nothing to soothe her. Taylor has been in rehearsals this morning and I was there with Allie until she started to whine so I began to walk her, we walked round and round Lincoln Financial Field for at least fifteen minutes before she fell asleep on my shoulder and now I'm sitting backstage in Taylor's dressing room on the couch rocking Allie when Taylor decides to yell. I choose not to answer her as Allie's eyes slowly fall shut once more. Taylor then steps into the room and is about to talk or yell when I shush her. She looks taken back. "Excuse me?" she questions, with amazement. I look down at Allie and all of a sudden Taylor comes closer. "Oh god, I'm sorry. What's up with Allie-gator?" I look down at Allie and smooth her onesie out a little. "She's tired." I state sharply. Taylor takes a step backwards and looks at me. "What?" I question. She shakes her head and goes to walk away then stops and turns back. "What is with you? I didn't mean to snap before, but you just walked away and I had no idea where you were." I soften a little but still look at her.
"Taylor, I get that it is hard being on the road and if it's too difficult with us or if you're not sleeping because of Allie we can go back to the city. It's not a problem just tell me." I say looking at her. Taylor doesn't say anything but I sense a meltdown about to happen so I lie Allie down on the couch and place a few pillows on the floor in case she rolls. I quickly turn and make it to Taylor as the first few tears fall.

Taylor's P.O.V

I was in the middle of rehearsing Karlie's favourite song 'Wildest Dreams' when all of a sudden I looked up and noticed Karlie wasn't there. It shook my nerves and I looked around missing nearly all of my dancing cues until my tour manager sends me away. "Look, take ten Taylor. Go find Karlie, I think I saw her walk towards the dressing rooms." I nod and start walking around the back of the arena, hoping Karlie is just walking with Allie but after five minutes and nothing I head towards my dressing room. Where I find Karlie and because I was feeling nervous because Karlie disappeared I snapped at her. This makes her snap at me and then she asks me if she is the problem, her and Allie and I break down. I turn away as my eyes become blurry and things begin to merge but I am aware of Karlie's arm wrapping around me and without worrying about the fact that I just snapped at my wife I turn and instantly fold into her. Pressing my face next to her neck I breathe in her scent that is entirely her own as her arms wrap around me and hug me safely. We stay there for a few minutes until I pull back and notice her t-shirt if wet with tears, "oh I'm sorry Karlie." I say as she looks down, then she smiles and takes my hand. "It's okay, my wife does the washing." I find myself smiling and despite everything I laugh too. Karlie soon joins in and we sit down near Allie and I tell Karlie how I'm feeling.

"So that's it..." I state polishing it off. She looks at me.
"That's it? Babe that's a lot. Did they really say that?" Karlie questions as I nod. "Babe, that's not right. What did you say?" I shrug my shoulders. "Taylor, did you let them say that?" I can't look her in the eye afraid that she will discover that I am weak. "I just, don't know any more Karlie. I don't want to be treated like this...do I deserve it?" Karlie adamantly shakes her head.
"No way, that's just...god I'm so mad." I lift my head and look at her, she even looks mad.
"You can't do anything." I state as Karlie stands.
"The hell I can't you're my wife and I can do it if it's needed." Karlie state standing up as I begin to regret telling her what I overheard my dancers saying, "Karlie please don't. I just want to do the tour and that's it." She looks at me sympathetically.
"It's not supposed to be that way," she states as I walk towards Allie and scoop her up. I nod my head knowing that she is right but I'd rather not cause issues after what happened last tour.