What I Want

Chapter Forty

September 27th 2015

Karlie's P.O.V

Tour continues as normal and despite a few upset concert goers we get by with no dancers. Everyone seems to make an appearance from Jason Derulo to Rachel Platten, no genre of music is safe from this tour. We decided to wait until after the tour to pursue adoption, right now Allie is getting really big and is now crawling, much to Taylor's delight. It's been a month since she first did it and Taylor can't help but take massive pictures and heaps of videos which she edits down at night and posts to Instagram. The Swifties that we meet in Loft 89 love it and they love it even more when I make surprise visits with Allie to Loft 89 which I did last night for our final night in Nashville. But now we are travelling to St. Louis for a two day show and then Allie and I are flying home to New York with the cats for the last month of American Tour. We will fly out for some dates but I have a modelling job booked in New York for a week so I have to go back and Andrea is getting treatment during October so she can't watch Allie either so although Taylor isn't happy about us leaving, we have no choice.

Two days later I'm at the airport with Taylor as we kiss for maybe the millionth time this morning as I'm preparing for Allie and myself to go home with Meredith and Olivia. I did offer for the cats to stay behind but Taylor insists that Allie needs them at home, I can't really disagree. She loves those little fur balls. "I'll call you once we land." I inform Taylor as she holds Allie, she mumbles a reply and then hands Allie over. "You better go before you're forced to stay..." she laughs in a joking way that doesn't sound like her. I smile sadly, I'm upset to be leaving and I tried to make the shoot later in the year but even I know that a French Vogue shoot only comes around once, and they are coming to New York since I have Allie. "It'll be okay." I state as I hug her one last time. The cats are waiting on board as I let Taylor pepper Allie's face with kisses one more time. "I love you." I state looking at her. "I love you both so much." She replies, stepping back next to the SUV that is in charge of driving us on tour. I step back too and walk towards the plane and after a look back I smile at Allie and walk on board. Hours later Allie and I arrive in New York and although Paul and Sam are waiting for Allie and I to arrive it doesn't feel right without my wife with me. I glance down at Allie. "I don't know Allie-gator maybe this month will go fast, but then there's Asia and Australia." She looks at me and as I look away, her small hand comes up and pats my face as she says "mama" I look at her in amazement as she says it again. "Mama." I immediately had her to Sam who takes her with ease as she keeps saying it as I rush to call Taylor. She answers immediately. "Hey, land already?" she questions but I interrupt. "She spoke!" I shout enthusiastically.
"She spoke...that's great babe. Is there a purpose to that statement?" I roll my eyes and look at Allie who is still speaking. "Allie. Spoke." I state as I hear a crunch on the other side of the line followed by silence. I stand there and then Taylor speaks. "Karlie...you there?"
"Here baby." I state.
"Oh good, did she really? What did she say?" I blush and look at Sam who is smiling.
"She said 'Mama' she called me mama..." I state enthusiastically as Taylor gasps on the other line before shouting. "Allie spoke everyone. She called Karlie 'mama'..." I blush again as I can hear the pride in her voice. "Send me a video." She demands. I laugh.
"I will, but we are still at the airport. I just had to call you." I can feel her smile through the phone as she says. "I'm glad, I was missing you so bad but this makes up for it. I have to go to rehearsals now. Skype later?" she questions as I turn and look at Allie wondering if I can teach her to say mommy in a few hours. "Sure, be safe. Love you."
"Always am, love you both too." I hang up the phone as Sam hands Allie to me.
"You two are so in love that it's sometimes sick." I laugh as I strap Allie in and within the hour we are standing in the lounge with Meredith and Olivia roaming around the house once more. Setting Allie down next to her toys on a rug she immediately plays with a noisy rattle before Olivia joins her and Allie begins to tug on poor Olivia's tail.

Taylor's P.O.V

I can't believe my baby spoke. She actually spoke her first word and it was mama, I'm quite jealous but mommy is harder to say than mama. It's practically the same sound repeated. I'm now standing at sound check wondering what else I will miss if I continue with this career, this time it was a word what if it's more next time. Sighing I pick up the microphone and begin to sing Blank Space followed by Fearless, because that's the acoustic number tonight instead of wonderland. Everything sounds good and everyone congratulates me about Allie's first word. I fake smile and thank them as I walk back to my bus. I greet Burt and walk to the back quietly and shut the door. I don't think I can ever remember being so downright sad. 'It's just a word Taylor...' I try to coach myself, breathing in deep and letting it out. 'What if it's more next time?' suddenly I can't breathe I want to call Karlie but I can't let her see how weak I am without her. I can't call my mom because she is in Nashville. Who can I call? 'No one, you can't call anyone Taylor' I say to myself over and over again, getting more and more upset by the minute. I can hear faint noises and then all of a sudden I let out a huge sob but I still can't breathe and before I know it the sliding door is slid open and someone is there. I don't even care who it is at this point I just know I don't want to feel this way. "Shush Tay, let it out. It's okay. Just breathe." I know the voice and in my head I can relax but I can't do it physically. "C'mon Taylor, just breathe. It's going to be okay." I shake my head but they pull me in closer. "Why not?" the person questions, but I can't talk. I don't know how to say that I missed Allie's first word and now I'm wondering if next time I'll miss something more important. 'Can I really give all this up?'

WHOEVER GUESSES TAYLOR'S SECRET HELPER GETS A SHOUTOUT NEXT UPDATE, WHICH I WILL BE WRITING LATER TODAY...HAPPY FIGURING.