Divergent: The Outsider 2

|Chapter 12|

{Tris Perspective}

I know that the babies death wasn't my fault, it both was and wasn't at the same time.

I felt the changes coursing the my body, "being bloated", or "just hungry".

I brushed those feelings off even when my period skipped a couple of days until yesterday, the day I went to the hospital.

I made the choice of saying nothing was wrong or taking a pregnancy test, if I did, I would probably be in bed rest now with both kids in my stomach.

Tobias would be nervous and happy all at the same time thinking about having two kids the first time. He would already giving me names and details about their rooms, telling me how he would dedicate his face to his daughters for make up and play with dolls. Or, telling me that he will teach his sons boxing tricks and playing football.

Now, that's never going to happen. It's not going to be the same, who knows when I'm going to be able to conceive twins once more. No one knows.

+++

I lay in the hospital bed starring out of the big window. Big, dark, gray clouds fill the air matching perfectly with my bad mood today.

It's not raining yet, just like I'm not crying yet, their just sitting there. Roaming over Chicago holding its water in until the right moment that the drops can't take any more and it's getting heavy, until, they finally fall.

I'm just building up my emotions, not wanting to show them. I want to prove that I can get through this, without my parents and a pity party.

When I woke this morning, my husbands arms were wrapped around me and he was asleep. There were many cards, flowers, gift bags, teddy bears, and balloons everywhere making the room seem much smaller and brighter.

I'm just reminiscing about all of the things that occurred last night, it happened all to quickly. I wish I would have known so I could have both of them still.

Great, now my parents are just going to call me irresponsible. That I could have did better.

That's the last thing I need on my plate.

Tobias phone buzzes and he instantly sits up in the bed, actually scarring me a bit. He does into the hallway but I can still hear him.

"Hello?" He says with a sigh. "Yes, but she's sleep- okay."

I hear his feet thudding against the floor then I feel his hand brush against my arm, I turn around to face him and he holds his hand out.

"It's your mom." He says and I sigh grabbing the phone and he steps out the room shutting the door.

"Hello?" I say sitting up in the bed.

"Hey, I herd that your in the hospital." She says and I hear waves in the background crashing against. . . whatever she's near.

"Yeah, I ended up having a miscarriage. . . it was twins." I say and try holding back a sob. I place my hand on my forehead and sigh. "Mom, I wish you were here."

For once I am that lost little girl, for once I'm broken down. I actually need my mom to comfort me, comfort me for the death of Susan, comfort me for wen I got robbed, comfort me when I left. Now I want her to comfort me now that I had a miscarriage.

"Well. . . I didn't think you would want me near you since what happened at the wedding." She slyly says making tears roll out of my eyes.

"Can we not just talk about our problems mom. You were going to be a grandma." I say with a sob "you don't even care do you?"

There's a silence over the line before she actually answers me. Tears stream down my face, angry tears, sad tears, frustrated tears. 

I painfully reach over to grab some tissues to cleanse my face. I would have never thought that my mom wouldn't care about me having a miscarriage. . . that's just low.

"Of course I care, I'll see if I can get a ticket. Just me, I'll be there soon." She says and I just sigh, I hope that's true.

"Okay, bye." I say cutting the conversation short.

"Bye, feel better."

I press the end button and sigh. I pull my legs up to my chest and start crying, it's all too much happening.

The miscarriage, my parents, everything.

"Babe? I just used your phone to cal your job and they said sor-" Tobias starts when he comes into the room and I look up at him.

"I basically had to force her to come." I say wiping my eyes with the tissue. He sighs walking over to me and collecting me in his arms.

"It's okay." He says trying to reassure me but I know, deep down. It's really not okay, who knows if it ever will be.