Divergent: The Outsider 2

|Chapter 51|

"Aunty Christina is here!" Christina shouts walking through the door. I glare at her as the boys shift on the floor, she gives me an apologetic look and goes to greet the dogs who are laying at the bottom of the couch, watching me get the boys situated to change their diapers. Christina came over to help clean the house because I don't have a lot of time to do so. Tobias is out shopping for me, and soon, he has to go back to work which is going to be stressful.

The twins are now one week old. They are finally getting used to the real world instead of my tummy, Tobias does a good job helping me but I knew that he needed fresh air and to get away from the sound of cries, so before his top flew off I sent him to the store to go get a few things for the house like toilet-paper, chips, stuff like that. . . walk the dogs.

"Gross!" Christina says as I groan looking at the poop on the diaper, I fight the urge to gag at the runny mess. I let out a sigh, I really need to get out of the house. I am getting tired of looking at these Four walls. The only time I get alone time is when I am on the patio and that doesn't last long.

"Come on, Jonah." I groan throwing my head back, groaning. I lift him up on the mat and start to wipe the disgusting poo off of him. Christina changes Matthew while we talk about everything. "Well, after I feed them after this, they can hopefully fall asleep. Once they are sleep, we can start our stuff." I say and she nods her head.

"I know parenting has to be hard." Christina shakes her head as we get off of the floor, after cleaning up the mess we go to the kitchen and I sit down in one of the chairs, and start nursing both of them at the same time. They aren't used to the rubber nipples. . . hell, they aren't even used to mine. So, I have to nurse them naturally.

"It is very hard, but, it's amazing at the same time. When are you going to pop out a mini Christina?" I ask and she gives me a look, a small blush forming across her face making my heart stop, "Are you pregnant?"

"No!" She says and I let out a sigh, I don't know what I will do with newborn babies and a hormonal Christina. "I'm not pregnant, I was just thinking about trying. . . later on. I think it's so cute how the boys look just like Four."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean, some of the faces that Matthew makes look exactly like you. I just can't wait until they get older." Christina smiles and starts cleaning the kitchen while I continue to nurse the boys. Christina unloads the dishes in the dishwasher, then she cleans the counters, and stove. Afterwards, she went through my fridge, throwing out the bad things. She made Tobias and I lunch which was some sandwiches, but they are being kept in the oven for warmth until Tobias gets back. She then swept the floor and when she were done with the kitchen, I put the boys down to sleep.

After hooking a baby monitor to my hip, Christina and I got busy. We cleaned the living room, the bathroom's, Tobias' and I's room, did the laundry, ate our lunch and kept Tobias' to the side. Then, we did a couple of other things like going over bills, and then she filled me in on the latest gossip. Obviously, Uriah and Marlene are talking about marriage, so are Duke and Amber but Duke is too scared for commitment. She said that Shauna and Zeke are still going steady, but she knows that they want to be married. She told me how her married life is going, how she rarely see's Al anymore and how Lynn is still being happy. . . while single.

"You miss out on a lot when you have twins." I say with a sigh as we plop down on the couch, "Thank you so much for helping me, this place smells a whole lot better now. I know that T-Four would be happy when he gets home to a clean house and a delicious lunch."

"No problem, where is he anyways?" Christina asks flipping through some of the channels on the television.

"Out, I sent him to go get some things for the house and pantry. I know that he is mentally going stir-crazy. I know I am. I just crave for fresh air and some alone time, away from the babies, away from the cries, the smell of diapers. I just want to relax for once, but without having separation anxiety." I tell Christina and she turns to me, crossing her legging covered legs in a pretzel, pulling her cardigan closer to her, she smiles at me.

"Vent."

"Excuse me?"

"Vent," She tells me grabbing on my hands. "It seems like you need to let some steam out, and it's way too early for you to go to the gym with me. I want you to tell me everything, just let it all out. I won't interrupt. Just keep telling me how you feel, hopefully, this will make you feel better. . ."

+++

"And the thing about it is, I really want my parent's to see their grandchildren. I want them to have a bond, I don't want my kids growing up without grandparents. I don't want them to have a life like mine." I cry, wiping my eyes. I am still so emotional which is quite annoying but it feels good to have girl talk with Christina.

Christina face wrinkles up, "This is getting depressing, I've think we've gone too deep. You know when you go on Youtube just to learn more about health care products but you somehow end up watching funny fails?" She laughs while I am still dead serious, "Oh, I'm just kidding. What I would do is, wait until the boys get older. Pack up some things, and go to Chicago. Just come to their front door like your mother did when you. . ." She trails off and a sad feeling goes through my chest.

Thoughts of the miscarriage still haunts me. I miss my babies, but, the ones I have now is my life. I wouldn't trade them for the world. But still knowing that my first set of twins are dead. . . because of me not knowing still puts a deep feeling of melancholy in my chest.

I nod my head, "I understand." I tell her softly and she nods her head at me as the front door opens.

"Hey," Tobias says happily, holding a ton of grocery bags. He sets them down and playfully, nods his head at Christina, "Christina." He says tightly in a joking manner and we laugh. "Hi babe!" Tobias leans down pecking me on the lips, giving me a hug. Man, I missed him a whole bunch.

"This place looks amazing. . . were you crying?" Tobias ask wiping under my dry eyelids.

I shake my head, "Yes, she was." Christina answers for me, "She was venting to me, you know. . . girl talk. You wouldn't get it." She brushes Tobias off standing to her feet. I glare at Christina while Tobias looks to me from Christina.

"Well, I am about to head out." Christina smiles, placing back on her shoes and grabbing her bags, "Give the boys a kiss for me, I don't want to wake them up. Bye guys!" She waves and we give our goodbyes before she is out the door.

"You okay?" Tobias asks sitting on the couch beside me, "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

"Yeah, of course. Christina was here and wanted me to just tell her how I feel, I told her how I want to get out of the house, sing more at Burlesque, and let the boys meet their grandparents. Everything I ever told you." I smile at him. I lean over and press a kiss on his mouth, when I pull away I feel the tension in the air. This month couldn't pass by any slower. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tobias smiles, standing to his feet, "I better go put these groceries up before the boys wake up."

"I'll help you." I follow him into the kitchen holding some bags.