Divergent: The Outsider 2

|Chapter 13|

While I was on the plane leaving my old home to start a new life, I wondered about the future.

I wondered if I would ever get a job, would I resume college, would I meet my significant other, would I get married and start a family, would I have friends and be successful.

When I finally got to Portland, everything that I had planned to do while I was on the plane instantly vanished. Like when salt touches water, it's forgotten, it is mixed in.

I never would have thought I would share at room with the girl who was my maid of honor, I would have never thought that I would meet a boy who loves sweets that was one of my groomsmen.

I would have never thought that I would meet a boy with deep blue eyes and a number for a name.

Now I realized that while I was on the plane, I was trying to plan my future but I was afraid of it.

Now, as I'm lying here in the hospital bed thinking of those innocent times. I start thinking do I ever want to start trying for kids after a while.

I think of a saying that Susan told me before she died, we were sitting in her bedroom talking about leaving that place.

It's not the future that your afraid of, it's repeating the past that makes you anxious.

She told me that even if we don't leave together, she said live in the now and love life. Because, you only live once.

Don't come back and repeat the same mistakes your parents did, be different.

So from now on, I will fight this stage of depression I'm in at the moment. I will make things better, even if my family isn't present.

+++

"So Tris, how are you feeling this morning?" Isabelle, my nurse asks me this morning.

Tobias is currently at the house taking a shower and getting dressed, he left last night to get a good nights sleep in our bed.

"I feel better than yesterday, I still have a bit of lower abdomen pain." I say sitting up in my bed.

"Well, that's expected. There is some pain medicine already ready for you, Dr. Jones told me that. . . you can be released today depending on your health. Some things to expect are some spotting so I suggest you were panty liners, no intercourse until two to three weeks and wait at least a month until you want to try for another baby.

Your period should resume this week if not, then next week. Your hormones will still be off the wall, it's still left from the other babies so it should get back to normal in a week or two."

"That's great." I say cracking a faint smile, I'm glad to be going home but, that's where. . . It happened.

Memories are still going to be left from that horrible night. I know I'm talking like a murder happened in that room, but, that's where I lost my kids.

"I'm going to bring your release papers back here, I'm assuming your husband is picking you up?" She says as she helps me out of the bed so I can take a shower.

"Yes, he should be here time I get out of the shower." I say as I ease my way to the bathroom and before I get in there she helps detach the cords and wires.

I get into the provided shower and instantly start cleansing myself. I hope my worries would just wash away like the dirt on my body.

It can just be all fresh, a new pallet.

After I'm finished in the shower, I dry off and lotion down. I put my underwear on with the liner like recommended.

I slip on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, both light grey. I slip on some socks and put on some slides, I just pull my hair into a bun and brush my teeth.

I sigh and look at my reflection in the mirror as I place both of my palms on the sink.

I notice my eyes don't have that vibrant blue, or shine showing that I'm happy. . .I'm just dull.

I could tell something is truly is wrong, deep down inside even though I use that same excuse. . . I'm fine.

+++

As I am laying on the bed waiting for Tobias to return, I start looking through all of the bags that's left in my room.

There is more cards than gifts, like expected. There is get better soon cards, sorry for your loss, and we love you. From the gang, friends, co-workers, and hospital staff.

There is teddy bears and mini clothes for the babies that were supposed to be here to wear them. It's all neutral colors like green, yellow, tan, black and white.

It actually brings tears to my eyes, it's sad that they can't even be able to wear the clothes or play with these toys. . . it's so sad.

Someone knocks on the door and I instantly wipe my eyes, I'm tough and I can fight through this. . . I don't want pity because it's just going to remind me of the miscarriage.

"Come in." I say with a surprisingly stable voice and I had the door click.

"Hey babe." Tobias says pecking my lips and looks around me to and notices that everything is packed.

"I can go home." I say and Tobias smiles hugging me but not too tightly.

"That's great." He says and gives me another kiss.

"You, uh, have a visitor." Tobias says and I can just sense his nervousness as he walks towards the door.

Who could it possibly be?

Tobias opens the doors and I hear the sound of high heels clicking on the floor, the curtains get pulled back making the room tense and left in suspense.

I look up and see my mother standing in my hospital room, in a dress, holding a bear.