Divergent: The Outsider 2

|Chapter 20|

I watch the girls down shots of whisky with an amazed face, I just relax in the booth and sip my cherry coke. I really don't plan on drinking tonight because I think that drinking has already got me into a whole lot of trouble, based on last year and a week ago.

I wouldn't have had that miscarriage if I didn't drink or over exert myself, but I did and I had to face the consequences.

"Come on Tris, lighten up a little." Christina slurs from her drinking tonight, she slides me a glass with a dark liquid. "Just a little, it will make you feel better."

I think about it, maybe if I was to loosen up a little bit. Maybe, I can just relax and not worry about anything, not worry about the miscarriage, not worry about my parents, not worry about Tobias. I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

The left side of my brain is telling me to refuse the alcohol and be responsible, but the right side of my brain is telling me to down the liquid and forget everything.

"Don't worry Tris, I can be the designated driver tonight." Lynn says with a nudge to my arm as I pick up the cup. I tilt my head back as the warm liquid flows down my throat, I scrunch my face up as my chest starts to burn. It's been a long time since I have had alcohol.

I pour myself a bit more, liking the feeling of warmth rushing through my body. I take three more shots and then Amber tells us we should all dance. So, we get up and go to the dance floor and dance like our life depended on it.

After a while, the heat of the moving bodies start to get me and makes me feel like I can't breathe anymore so I decide to make my way to the booth. I pour myself some more of the blue lagoon that was served to our table when we order it.

"Enjoying yourself?" I hear someone shout to me as Dark Horse by Katy Perry comes out, throwback Thursday.

I put my cup down and look to my right and I see Edward standing there with a beer in his hand.

"Yeah." I slur a bit, nodding my head and he smiles.

"Good, do you want to dance?" He says and I nod my head and we go to the dance floor and dance for about an hour before he has to leave with his friends so I decide to retreat back to the booth.

The next song that comes on is not what I expected to come on in a club that has a smooth beat to it.

Summertime Sadness by lana del rey.

Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness. I just wanted you to know, that baby you're the best.

I instantly frown at the choice because it brings back memories about the sadness and depression I am dealing with. I try hard to fight the tears that threaten to spill out of my eyes, I see Marlene walking to the booth and she grabs my arm pulling me out into the crowd to dance with them.

I sway to the music, happiness showing on the outside but sadness is swarming inside of my body. I go back to the bar and order a round of shots, after I take them I go back to the dance floor. I feel the alcohol running through my veins making my head fuzzy and the thoughts fly away.

It's all my fault that I had the miscarriage. Now, I am blaming myself for my actions. I am weak, I wouldn't have drank anything tonight and I just proved how weak I am. The next song that comes on matches me perfectly, Habits by To Love but the hippie remix.

This song explains me that I have to stay high during the day and when I am around people, but once I am alone and to myself I get to be myself and break down for once and it is tiring. This alcohol that I drank tonight is numbing the pain that I have been feeling.

"Tris are you okay?" Christina asks me as I wipe my eyes, I just nod my head and she pulls me into a brief hug while whispering in my ear. "Let's go home."

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I wobble my way out of the elevator, still humming the song played at the club; Habits.

I gotta stay high all the time, to keep you off my mind.

Lynn decided to ride the elevator up to my floor to help me inside but she had to go because the other's were in the car. Now, I am wandering the hallways to my door in my drunken stupor. I'm sure I look horrible with red-rimmed eyes and me wobbling.

I knock on the door but instantly regret it. I pull my hand back and slide down the wall, bringing my legs up to my chest and placing my head there. I let the tears fall out of my eyes out of embarrassment and anger and sadness. I am embarrassed for Tobias to see me like this, weak. I am angry about my parents and brother. I am sad about my kids.

I will never be the same.

{Tobias Point of View}

I put the book down that I was reading earlier when I hear a soft knock at the door. It should be Tris, but she took her keys with her. I do miss Tris, even though she has been very quiet for the past couple of weeks due to the death of our children I love her no less.

I go answer the door but I see no one there, I am about to shut the door when I hear little sniffles. I perch my head out of the doorway and I see Tris curled up by the door with her shoulders shaking.

"Tris?" I ask but she doesn't answer he shoulders just shake harder. I lift her up and she cries into my shoulder. I shut the door and she wraps her arms around me. I sit her on the bed and go into the bathroom to get a wash cloth. I wipe her face clean even through more tears fall out of her eyes making my heart clench.

I change her into one of my shirts and I put her under the covers after I give her some medicine to take because I know she will have a hangover tomorrow.

"I don't mean to be such a mess." She sighs wiping her eyes as I turn the lights off and she curls into my chest.

"It's okay, you don't have to be strong around me." I say as more tears fall out of her eyes. I kiss her forehead and her breaths get even.

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a/n: hey guys this chapter may be confusing lol  because I had forgot about this update. I have to do something today and I was like.

"What a beautiful cloudy morning, OH CRAP! I HAVE TO UPDATE TODAY!"

So, I had to hurry up and throw something together quicker than usual so sorry for  this chapter and Tuesday will be more organized and hopefully better yes because Tris is about to be her normal self. BYE!