Divergent: The Outsider 2

|Chapter 17|

Both anger, and confusion washes over my body leaving me in a complete frenzied state.

What exactly does she mean by she wants me to move back to Chicago? Like physically grab my belongings and leave Tobias and the gang behind and get on a plane, leaving everything I ever built here behind.

"Mom." I say with a chuckle of disbelief. "I don't think you understand now, I'm twenty-three, married, have friends, and a job that I wanted since I was a little girl. Do you really think I want to leave that behind" I ask

I'm not even mad her, it's to the point where I am disappointed in her actions. She wasted everyone's time while she has been down here, let alone herself. It was just a dumb statement.

"But, I think that you are less accident prone back at home, in my eyes." She says reaching her hand out, grabbing my wrist which I calmly pull away from her grasp.

"Mom, put yourself in my shoes right now. That's all I'm asking, what you would do if you had parents who barely paid attention to you, who put their responsibility on the baby sitter. Then finally, once in your life you get a best friend who fully understands you, who understands what is behind closed doors is not what it seems. Then your best friend abruptly dies due to her household treating her a certain way because she didn't want to be like that, like them." I say with my voice cracking as I think of Susan. She was my best friend, days like this is when I wish I could somehow magically make her appear and pull an all-nighter with movies like back then.

"Then finally when you get fed up with holding your best friend's death inside your feelings, and not once sharing how you feel and you realize that you don't want to end up like her, you don't want to give up. So, you get the chance to leave what you thought you had and could fix back there. You are able to start fresh, finish College, meet friends, get married, move into a great place, and have a job that you dreamed of. Then your mother or father visits you after something tragic telling you to leave it all behind, what would you do? What would you say?" I say with tears welling up in my eyes, staring ahead at my mother with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, honestly, I would go back with my parents. Speaking from a twenty three year old, as Natalie. Truly speaking, I wouldn't move somewhere far. It shows how much you really didn't care for what you had which is ungrateful. I think that if my friend died at a young age, I really would feel down on myself but I wouldn't let it eat me alive to the point where I was in a state of depression. I would talk to my parents, or someone or get help a-"She starts and I sniffle and wipe my eyes and nose on my shirt.

"But what if everyone in your town was so stuck up their a*s that they couldn't even pay attention to what's going on in front of them, what if everyone knew your parents as the snobby, rich people and expected their kids to always be on their best behavior. So you, being the good, obedient child didn't put their parents in a bad predicament."

"Well I would talk to my parents." She states folding her hands in her lap, her back up straight with good posture.

"But your parents are barely home." I say giving her the scenarios that I had to go through, just using her as an example.

"Fine Beatrice, I don't understand how you feel this way!" She snaps standing on her feet, eyes flaring. "We were there when you needed us, we were good parents, and we just had bad kids."

I am taken back by her sudden outburst making me stand on my feet, taking away the feeling that I am being scolded by her when I am technically above her and any wrong move she makes I could arrest her. But I am not cruel like them, I will not follow in their footsteps. I will prove them wrong.

"Well, Caleb is as perfect as a star. I don't understand why you want to follow behind these crazy hooligans you call your friends, if you want to stay here and live a crazy life then fine. But, don't expect there to be room when you want to run back to us and stay with us since everyone turned their backs on you. Even your so called husband." She says and I feel my heart beating in my chest rapidly making it hurt, her words are making me angry and my hands shake uncontrollably.

"They aren't your true friends, Beatrice! They are leading you in the wrong place that's why you are so crazy in the head now. That's why you had this miscarriage!" She says and I can't control myself but to slap her hard against her face. Half of my body stands in shock that I just slapped my mother but the other half is still raging with anger wishing to let out all of my anger since sixteen on her body.

"Don't you ever use my family for the cause of my miscarriage. How dare you bring that up!" I say with tears of frustration welling up in my eyes, I will not let them fall, I will be strong.

"Now, get your stuff and get out of my house. I could care less if you got home or not at this point, you aren't a good mother! A good mother would not bring up something so . . . so . . . sensitive at the moment. It wasn't my fault that Susan died! It wasn't my fault that I had a miscarriage, It wasn't my fault that you turned out as bad parents to me." I say wiping my eyes pointing to the door.

She brushes past me, I can just feel the anger radiating off of her body in waves leaving me to stand there in the heat. No way to escape it, she walks hard to the guest room and I hear shuffling while I wrap my arms around my rigid body still in shock.

She walks back out with her pocket book slung across her shoulder and holding two Louis Vuitton bags in both of hands and she manages to open the door and she turns to me, my hand print still on her left cheek and her hair sprawled around her face.

"You know you were right on your wedding day." She says looking at me with hatred, anger, disappointment, so many mixed emotions. "I should have put you up for adoption, we wouldn't be in all this mess."

It struck me like lightning in my body, of course I knew that since I was able to fully comprehend of what's going on around me that she wanted me up for adoption. She slams the door shut behind her and I stand there thinking of what she said.

I just thought that actually, verbally hearing it would have not hurt as much, my mother really wants to disown me. It's both a relief and a disappointment.

I just fall to my knees, weak to the point of no return to my feet and I just cry. Cry until my eyes can't cry anymore, I cry for everything lost in my life, including my parents.

I somehow manage to crawl my way over to the couch to grab my phone, instantly going to the text messages.

I decide to text Tobias, knowing that if I call him it would put him in a hazy mind set and could possibly get injured and be worried about me.

Hey, I really need you right now - Tris

And, I just sit there waiting for Tobias to reply, tears that have been held in for so long blurring my vision.