When I went to the doctors yesterday to get my physical and this doctor (WHO I DO NOT LIKE) examined my hands arms and wrists.
I felt ashamed when she looked at me then said "ahh history?" And I nodded so fast I felt nauseous.
Then my mom looks up and looks mad not concerned and says "history about what?"
Then the doctor put my wrist down and told my mom "the--"
My mom cut the damned woman off.
"Not cutting right? She wouldn't do that."
The nurse looks at me and she says "it's not cutting no. There's this thing called the uh. What was it? Self harm."
And my mom relaxed and said "oh"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH?
DID SHE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT.
but idc. I'm pissed I thought SHE KNEW.
WHY THE FUCK DID SHE PUT ME WITH THESE THERAPISTS AND DOCTORS.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL FOR.
I KNOW I HAVE (ADD) BUT HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW.
FOR CHRIST SAKES SHE BEEN LOOKED AT MY WRISTS AND DAMNIT SHE FUCKING KNEW. SHE JUST DIDNT CARE.
THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF SO DAMN MUCH. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEE HER OWN DAUGHTER STRUGGLING?!?!?!
WHAT KIND OF A PARENT ARE YOU.
but I'm chill.
cool.
cool as ice.
I'm just upset.
I seriously wonder what my mom though "self harm" like did she think it was rainbows, butterflies, unicorns??
No.
It's where your child discovers a dark place other than herself. And has no escape so she turns to blades.
Ugh mom of the year ladies and gents.
((Warning: I don't do it anymore. It was just the faded scars. I stopped last year.))
