OMG MY CRUSH OF FOUR YEARS HE TEXTED ME TODAY SAYING "Come to my bday party at 6?"
OMG IM CRYING ALMOST.
HE WANTS MY TO ATTEND HIS BIRTHDAY.
AWE IM OVERJOYED RN.
IM FUCKING FANGIRLING OH MY GAWDDDD
I INVITED HIM TO MY BIRTHDAY IN THE SUMMER AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS BIRTHDAY WAS TODAY OMG.
HE ACTUALLY TEXTED ME.
MAKE MATTERS EVEN BETTER HE TEXTED ME FIRST.
I SHOULD GET HIM SOMETHING?!
OMGEEEE. IDK. IM SO EXCITED.
THE PARTY IS AT HIS HOUSE OHMYGOD. HE INVITED ME TO GO.
HOLY SHIZ BALLS I NED TO PICK MY OUTFIT OUT RIGHT NOW.
I NEED TO PLUCK MY EYEBROWS AND FRESHLY SHAVE AND GET RID OF MY ACNE AND GO SHOPPING TOMORROW AND GET MY MAKEUP ON POINT.
OMG THERES SO MUCH TO DO.
LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL.
MY HEART BEAT JUST INCREASED BUT A TON AND MY EYES ARE WATERING AND IM SHAKING AND I GOT FUCKING CHILLS AND I SCREAMED INTO MY PILLOW LIKE BLOODY LOUD.
I CANT THINK STRAIGHT.
IM SUPPOSED TO BE HATING HIM THOUGH.
LIFES DECISIONS ARE SO FUCKING COMPLICATED.
LIKE IM FANGIRLING ABOUT HIM SO HARD AS OF HES HARRY STYLES. I NEED THERAPY YALL.
I CANT. EVEN.
HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY I CANT EVEN. OHMYGOD.
I wished that he could see how much he means to me. He is almost like my little infinity. (I'm so cheesy right now. But hey this is what he does to me). He breaks my heart without knowing but somehow him just looking at me or walking over my direction or even talking to me just makes me all okay again. It like he walks all over me and I don't care and I hate that but I like him so dang much. My friends tell me he's not just a crush to me. And idk. I don't want to say I love him or in love because all he does usually is treat me like I don't exist and I don't know...what If something happens there? What if I see my Ex bestfriend who is like his bestfriend or fuck buddy idk. He likes her. I know that. And he won't ever like me back. It's been 4 years. And he won't ever have any of my feelings and I just know it. I accept that. I know I'm not all that. I know I'm not her. I know I won't ever be her. I know I won't ever be lucky as her.
I just know.
Damnit my feelings just changed about going to this party now there's so many what ifs going though my head right now. I'm crying. Fuck this cruel world.
Like what if I just get hurt if I go. What if this is a setup. What if I get kicked out. What if I see my ex friend there. What if my ex friend stabs me in the back. What if he makes out with my ex bestfriend. What if they get a room. What if I end up in tears. What if this whole night is a mistake. What if this night brings me to reality. What if he takes my heart and shatters it into pieces. You know he holds my heart and he doesn't know if he breaks it I'm nothing but dead meat. What if I have an anxiety attack if something bad happens. Oh shit what if something bad happens?? What if he talks to me after this party. What if we become actual friends after this party. What if he finds me cute...lol nah. What if this becomes the best night of my life? What if I regret this night? What if hi mom or dad doesn't like me. What if I embarrass myself towards them. What if i become the most hated person. What if something happens that causes him to hate me. What if I do something I will regret. What if we get together...lol stop dreaming V.
Ohmygod my what ifs will never end.
Like I think I missed my period and I'm so moody and my emotions change so much and I crave the most randomest foods and I'm just bi polar(but I've always been) i swear I'm not pregnant I'm still a virgin but I sound like I'm possibly pregnant wtf.
