My crush of 4 years probably hates my guts so I'm once again Casper.
Oh and he also avoids me. :/
It fucking hurts so much. It's either I'm so ugly he avoids me or he hates me so much he avoids me. Or both reasons.
But the thing is I avoid him too... We follow each other on Instagram and occasionally like eachother a pictures in a blue moon. I don't get it.
But I was the one who avoided him first. Like if I saw him I don't look at him at all, or I turn away from him, I walk an opposite direction, I leave the room if he's in the same room, etc. overall I take it to a whole other level.
He does the exact same.
I only do it so I don't have to feel his presence or look at him. Because every time I see his face it fucking tears me apart every time I see his face...if I feel his presence I get these butterflies that are so fucking crazy and it bugs me because he won't ever feel the same so I try my hardest to ignore the feeling or just simply avoiding it or ignoring it. I'd do anything to get rid of it.
But back to the point...
He's throwing a party this Sunday and he invited allllllllllll my friends so I don't have any plans now... I mean I could go if I probably wanted too..(some of my friends are going even though they weren't invited but their friends were so their going).
The thing is I want to go...but he'll be there, I mean for Gods Sake HE IS FUCKING HOSTING THE PARTY.
I can't go. I just can't even bring myself to even go.
My mom said am I sure I don't want to go.... And I don't know...I just cant.
I feel like he'll kick me out or embarrass me .... Ps he's done it before.
He has embarrassed me pLENTY of times.
I want to talk so much SHIT RIGHT NOW in this book but some people from school that are my friends read my bs. Some are fake friends. And if a fake friend reads this then tells him or worse yet screenshots it then sends it to him or shows him.
IM FUCKING SCREWED.
You know what fuck him, fuck them, fuck them all, fuck the school, fuck the party, fuck all my "friends", just fuck them alllllllll, fuck everyone at this point.
K bye.
