A Little Too Much | Shawn Mendes (COMPLETED)

15 | Anxiety

Shawn's POV;

I've been on tour for almost a month and a half straight, and haven't seen my family or friends in that long, either. Like before, my mom and Aaliyah stayed behind, so it's just been my dad to keep me company. It's mid-October now, and I'm finally able to go back home and visit everyone. I'm especially excited to see Allie. She asked me to accompany her to visit her birth mother for the first time since their encounter at the hospital.

The whole flight back to Pickering, I can't stop thinking about her. That's been happening a lot, lately. I have dreams where we're cuddling or chasing each other or doing cute couple things. The thing is, we're not a couple. That's the part that stumps me. Allie is my very best friend. I can trust her with anything and everything. It seems as if she's endured a lot of heartache, which in the end ha only made her stronger and wiser. At least that's what I think. I really don't know many things about her past, and whenever I try to bring it up, she changed the subject. She did make a really good point, though, about how your past shouldn't define who you are. Like I said, she's very wise. I just can't figure out why I have the need to know everything about her. There's something mysterious about her, and it draws me to her. I just can't wrap my head around the whole thing.

I think about this for the entire plane ride, until an announcement snaps me out of my thoughts.

Attention, passengers; the plane will be landing in Toronto in approximately fifteen minutes. Please buckle your seat belts and prepare for landing, thank you.

I buckle my seatbelt, quickly getting lost in thought about Allie again.

Time seems to drag as I get off the plane and wait for my luggage to appear on the belt. Once we're situated, I'm glad to get into the car with my dad and begin the thirty minute ride back home. Once again, my mind wanders back to Allie. I think about how much I missed her. Most of the time, we don't talk, but just being together and knowing that she's next to me gives me this unexplainable happiness. I guess that's what best friends do. I start to think about her smile. It's warm enough and sincere enough to cure hypothermia, and melt the glaciers in Alaska. Her eyes are greener than the freshest grass, and looking at her is like coming up for a breath of fresh air. I just can't describe how I feel about her. Butterflies erupt in my stomach when we pull into the driveway. Aaliyah runs to the passenger door with a huge grin on her face. "Welcome back!" She squeals. As soon as I get out of the car, her ninety pound frame is wrapped around me, her arms around my neck, her legs tightly around my waist, almost like a koala hugging a tree. I laugh and hug her back. I forgot how much fun she is to be around. She definitely has come on tour with me next summer, and over school breaks if mom'll let her.

About five minutes later, I see Allie slink out her front door and close it quietly behind. She jogs across the street and greets me with a smile. I watch her for a moment. Something isn't right. Her smile is fake, I can tell. Her eyes always shine when she smiles genuinely. The shine and glimmer of happiness in her beautiful green eyes is gone, and she looks worried. Of course she is, she's meeting her birth mom in two days. I nearly forgot about that; I'm going with her!

"Hey, long time no see," I say with a smile. I try not to look too excited to see her, but I can't help the huge, genuine smile that spreads across my face. This time, I can tell that her smile is more genuine. A tiny sparkle appears in her eyes at this gesture I've just made. It makes me happy seeing that I can give that spark back.

*Two Days Later*

At 12:00pm, I cross the street to Allie's house and knock on the door. Today is the the day I'm taking her to visit Cindy. In all honesty, I'm not sure how it'll play out. But I hope she's able to sort things out with Cindy.

•••

Allie's POV;

I sit in my room quietly, listening the Hannah's sobs. I decided to keep my door open, just in case something happens and she needs help, but I'd really rather close it to shut out the sound of her despair. Yesterday, she lost her baby. The doctor determined it would have been a boy. She was only three months along, so there was no hope in even attempting to save him. She hasn't stopped crying since she returned from the doctor. Adam has been trying to comfort her, but I can sense a sadness about him that wasn't there before. I can also see it in his eyes. They used to be a bright, stern gray, and now they remind me of storm clouds on a rainy day. He's even quieter than he usually is, and goes about his daily business sneaking around like a mouse. It's as if he's afraid to make a sound.

As I sit in my room, I take in how pretty it is. Hannah went to so much trouble to put it together for me. She says she loves me. Or used to, at least. I have no clue what the future holds considering me and this family. I wasn't even sure if they'd want me after this baby was born, but now I have absolutely no idea what will become of me.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I get a text from Aaliyah saying that Shawn is home. A tingly feeling runs through me, and I feel a little happier. I'm always in a better mood when he's around. I quietly sneak down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door. It's not too hard, since all Hannah has been doing for the past thirty hours is crying. She doesn't take notice of much now.

I jog across the street and force a smile as Shawn turns to me. He watches me for a long moment before smiling back. He seems to sense something's not right, but now is definitely not the time to tell him about all this family drama. I also nearly forgot that in just two days, he's accompanying me to visit Cindy, my birth mother. I'm not exactly sure if I should call her mom, considering she abandoned me. Shawn keeps telling me to try to get over that, but after enduring what I did, I'm not sure I can move past it. I know she said she did it for me, that it was in my best interest, but somehow I just don't fully buy that. Shawn wraps his arms around me, a huge smile spreading across his face. It makes me giddy, how happy he is all the time.

*Two days later *

I have trouble sleeping the night before the upcoming day that I'm supposed to meet my birth mother. I toss and turn, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths, but sleep doesn't come. My stomach is churning and my heart is pounding, and my mind is racing and coming up with ever possible scenario of how this visit is going to end up a complete disaster. When morning finally comes, I greet it with relief. I'm also tired, but that's nothing a cup of coffee can't fix. I go downstairs around nine, where I see Adam in the kitchen.

"So, today's the big day, huh? Meeting your birth mother?" I nod, training my eyes on the floor as I wait for the coffee to brew. "Good luck," he sighs, trudging into the living room. I can still tell he's upset about the baby, and Hannah is probably still in bed, either asleep or silently crying and mourning her unborn child.

After eating and having my coffee, I go upstairs to shower. The warm water relaxes my tense muscles, and after I'm dressed and ready, Shawn knocks on the door. I descend downstairs once again, making sure to be quiet so I don't awake or disturb Hannah. I open the door and smile a little just at his sight. Gosh, why do I always feel so giddy around him? It's as if everything around us stops and freezes in time when he's with me; nothing else mattered beside the two of us.

"Ready?" Shawn asks, opening the passenger door for me. I smile in thanks and shrug. Honestly, I have no idea what to expect. It's certainly going to be awkward, because the woman who is supposed to know everything about me and love me more than anyone else in the world has only met me once in my entire seventeen years of existence. Well, technically two because she gave birth to me, but whatever. I wonder if she even remembers the day she had me.

I fidget in the car anxiously as we drive to Cindy's. She gave me her address when I called her back, and she doesn't live far from here. It's only a ten to fifteen minute car ride to her house.

I sigh as Shawn pulls into Cindy's driveway. He parks the car before turning to look at me. I instantly feel the anxiety attack coming. Why did I ever agree to do this? She abandoned me. No matter how many people think it's stupid, I'm not sure I can ever let that go.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Shawn asks, watching my facial expressions closely. I hesitate before nodding. I'd rather have someone with me. As I approach the door, I ask myself, do I I really want to do this? Is it really worth it?