A Little Too Much | Shawn Mendes (COMPLETED)

18 | Wildest Dreams

Allie's POV;

I awake on the floor of the living room. It's dark, and I can distinctly smell the musty scent of blood. Lifting my head has become a chore, and it throbs terribly when I try to do so. I lift my hand to my head faintly, which causes me great pain, and it falls back into my lap slick with blood. I wince and slowly get to my feet, using the wall as a sort of crutch so I don't fall over. My vision blackens at the edges and black dots dance in front of me. It feels as if a thousand hammers are trying to break my skull open as I slowly make my way to my room. This takes about ten minutes; I have to stop constantly and catch my breath so I don't lose consciousness again.

I stop at the bathroom in the hallway to wash myself up, which is also quite difficult because of the immense pain my head causes. I'm sure I also have a severe concussion.

As I trudge to my bedroom after stopping the bleeding, I lay down and squeeze my eyes shut, only to have the events from last night replay in my head. The day was okay, mostly because I was with Shawn. Cindy and I didn't really get off that well. But what mattered was that Shawn went with me. He offered to come. He cares. He actually cares about me. As I begin to drift off to sleep again, my mind wanders back to that summer, when he pushed me into the pool. We had so much fun together. What I'd give for him to be here now.

•••

I'm not sure how much time passes, but I'm awoken abruptly by banging on my door. "Damn it Allie, get the hell out of bed and clean that disaster downstairs!" Adam slurs. I groan, telling by the way he struggles to talk normally that he's drunk again. How is this happening to me again? I finally thought I got lucky with foster parents. I guess I was wrong.

I get up, only to fall back into the bed. "Adam, let the poor girl sleep," I hear Hannah say. Her voice is monotoned and emotionless. Losing that baby really destroyed her.

That's it. The baby. Adam must have been disappointed when Hannah lost the baby, too. But he can't just drink the sorrow away, or beat the anger out of him. These thoughts make me shudder. I hate when depressed people are drunk, it only makes them worse than they are sober. When they try to forget their sadness, getting drunk only makes them aggressive or delusional. Neither are good.

I sigh, relieved when Adam huffs and storms downstairs. At least I won't have to do anything today.

I check my phone and see a few texts from Shawn, but my head is killing and me and I'm too tired to answer. When I text him, he always wants to have really deep conversations. I don't mind them, but when I feel like this I'm definitely not in the mood. I toss my phone onto the side table and decide to get some more sleep.

I wake up to the constant buzzing of my phone and groan. I'm sure it's Shawn, and I really don't feel like talking to him. If he finds out what Adam did to me, I'll never see them again. Not that I'd mind Adam being taken away, but it would destroy Hannah, and then what? I get sent away? I wouldn't be able to see Shawn anymore. That can't happen. This is the only place I've ever lived where I actually felt like I belonged. At least, that was until last night. I shudder as I think about it, and quickly push the thought from my mind.

When Shawn asks if I can do anything today, I gulp. I obviously can't, because if he sees me like this he'll know it was Adam. I haven't been anywhere else since he watched me come home last night, and we both know that. I text back and tell him I have to help them clean and he replies, sounding bummed. I remember him saying he'd be going back on tour soon, I hope I get to see him before then.

•••

I must've fallen asleep again, because I wake with a start when I hear Adam banging on my door again. "Get up you worthless scum, I want the house clean, now!" I can tell that he's still drunk by the way his words mix together, and if similar syllables are near each other in a word, he messes them up. He opens my door and bares in, swerving left and right because he can't stand right. I immediately regret not locking my door. "I said get up!" He yells obnoxiously as he grabs my arm and yanks me to my feet. I wince, my body aching all over. "I want the house spotless by the time I wake up!" He slurs as he tries to make it to his bedroom without falling over.

I sigh as I limp down the stairs and gasp at the mess. Drunk people sure know how to rip a house apart. I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep tonight.

•••

I curl up in my bed, shaking and shivering. It's been three days, and Adam just lashed out again. He threw a beer bottle at my ribs, which broke and cut my side open, and slapped me across the face. Of course, that was after he ruined all the hard work I was forced to do and I was then accused of not cleaning the house at all.

I find myself thinking about Shawn. I missed school today, and all my friends have been texting me, but I'm just too tired to respond. I'm too tired to do anything, but lie here and try to sleep. Except sleep doesn't come. I toss and turn, wincing in pain as the nightmares flood my mind. They always start out nice, usually of me and Shawn. Then Adam comes, and that part is different every time I fall asleep. If I'm lucky, I can have a nice dream about me and Shawn without it turning into a nightmare, but that's no better, because when I wake up and realize what I wish was reality was only a dream, I don't feel any better.

As the days go by, I learn to control my dreams somehow. I fall asleep thinking happy thoughts, and they always end up being about Shawn. Sometimes they're memories of all the fun we've had together, and others of us making more memories. I've come to love sleep, because it's the only time I'm ever happy anymore, in my dreams.

The abuse hasn't been getting any better. I thought at first that maybe his hitting me was a one time thing. That was before he threw a glass bottle at me the following day, cutting my side open and leaving a nasty bruise. It was a little better after that, he at least stayed out getting drunk for a day or two, but then when he came home I was in real trouble. He blames me for everything, even things that happened before I was born. If he could find a way to turn it around on me, he did. And he always found a way.

It's Friday now, and I've finally gotten the notion to get up. I don't really know why, but I limp across the room to the full length mirror on my door to look at my reflection. I gape at what I see.

The girl in the mirror is not me. It looks nothing like me, but yet I know it is me. I've changed. The girl in the mirror is small and looks malnourished. Her eyes are dull, her face blank and think, dark circles under her eyes so big from lack of sleep that she looks sickly. I can't believe what I'm seeing. Before I can take it in any longer, I jump at a knock on the front door. I scurry down as fast I can, praying that Adam isn't home, or if he is, that he's passed out and won't give me any trouble. I open the door a crack and feel everything inside me lift when I see Shawn standing there. I forgot I've been out of school for the whole week. Everyone must be wondering where I am, since I'm not answering any of there texts or calls. Not eve Shawn, which he knows is unlike me. Sometimes I feel like he knows me better than I know myself. But I know that isn't true. There are so many things he doesn't know about me. Things I don't want anyone to know. Those things aren't theirs to know anyway, because if they know these things they'll tell others. It's better that no one knows.

"Hey," he says, surprised that I opened the door. "Hi," I whisper. "Are you okay? I mean, you've been gone all week," he says, shifting awkwardly. I nod. "Yeah, um, I just have the stomach flu," I lie. Considering the way I look, I'm sure he couldn't doubt this. Part of me wants to tell him, but I know he won't just let it go. He'll tell someone, and I'll be taken away from Adam and Hannah. I'd love to get away from Adam, but then I'd never see Shawn again. And right now he's the only thing keeping me together. "Oh, well you could've texted me back, I was worried sick," he says. I give him a small fake smile, but I can tell he's searching my face. He doesn't buy my whole 'I'm fine' act. He never did, and probably never will. But I can't tell him. "Uh, well you know I'm leaving for your tomorrow," he whispers. I sigh. I wish I had more time with him. What will I do while he's gone? "Oh," is all I say. What else is there to say? He nods, looking at his shoes. "Um, well here's your work," he says, handing me a stack of papers. I groan. "Thanks," I say sarcastically. He chuckles and stuffs his hands in his pockets, turning to leave. "I'll be back in a couple weeks," he says. I nod and fake another smile. "Bye. I'll miss you." He smiles before walking away. Now I'm alone. I'm always alone. I lean against the door, suddenly exhausted. What am I going to do?

A/N - Guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated! I started school this past week and I also babysit after school so that plus homework and study time leaves really little free time for me to update:( I'll try to do so as much as possible, but now that school has restarted again I'll probably only be able to update on weekends. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and thanks for reading! Xoxo - Em😊💚