His Beautiful Mess

Chapter 40: All New.

*Yale’s POV*

New Year. New Look. New Beginning.

Naglakad lakad ako sa pathway. Inaaalala yung mga nangyari dito. Nakakatuwa si Ludwig e. Dito siya naglagay ng mga roses dati para lang sabihin na gusto niya ako.

“First of all, I do not regret what I did. I just wanna know the girl who has changed me.  But since I played something against the rules of this Academy, kahit nahihiya ako, gusto kong mag-sorry. Pero, I did that because I like the girl. Ms. Yale Salvacion… Ms. Yale Salvacion, ako na ‘to. Si Mr. K. Kung nasaan ka man, I know nandito ka, I just want to tell you that I like you.”

Nangingiti ako sa part na yan. Pero at the same time naguguluhan kasi bakit siya pa? Sa dinami daming lalaki, siya pa talaga ang gumawa niyan ha? Yung mortal kaaway ko pa. Yung mortal na kaaaway ko pa mula nung bata ako. Kaso hindi ko pa nga nasasabi sa kanya lahat. He even sacrificed himself. Maarte kasi ang buong Trinity. Yes, naka-third offense siya. I know the SSC has warned him pero hindi siya sumunod. Until nung nakasama ko siya sa Baguio, nilagyan niya ng spicy sauce yung pagkain ko. Hanggang sa kumakanta na siya.  Yung trip niyang hindi nakakatuwa tulad ng paghahagis sa akin ng kung ano ano. Iniwan din niya ako sa Yellow Belt. Hanggang sa kinakaladkad na niya ako. And the worst na ginawa niya sa akin? Yung sa supposed-to-be-a-date. Pero naging walang kwenta. Nagalit ako sa kanya. Galit na galit. Hindi ko alam na may kasalanan din pala ako. Until I’ve forgiven him. Tapos naging friends kami. Nakakatuwa nga siya e. May iba pa pala siyang side na hindi ko alam..  Tinulungan niya ako kay Fred. Yung kalimutan yung feelings ko pero hindi  naman nagtagumpay.. Ang dami dami niyang sinasabi sa akin hanggang sa hindi ko na napipigilan yung pagiyak ko. Siya naman kasi nagsabi na iiyak ko lang, ilabas ko yung sakit, para di umapaw. Pero at the end of the day, bumabalik pa rin. Si Ludwig nagsabi sa akin na Paano mo ibabaon yung isang bagay kung hindi ka naman gumagawa ng paraan para maghukay? Paano mo pahihilumin yung galos mo kung hindi ka naman gumagawa ng paraan para pagalingin yun? Paano ka makakamove on kung hindi ka naman gumagawa ng way para i-let go yung feelings mo sa kanya? Oo nga naman, I should have done ways para makalimutan siya. But wait, si Ludwig din nagsabi sa akin na I don’t need to forget the person, I just need to forget the feelings. Hanggang sa tinuruan niya ako ng dalawang result kapag tinakbuhan mo ang isang problema, una pwede kang madapa. Pangalawa, you have to fight para yung problema na yung matakot na harapin ka.. He gave me a notebook so I could write all the major events that I and Fred underwent. Nasaktan ako as I was remembering those happy yet painful moments. And I failed to forget the feelings.  We don’t forget feelings. We just learned to let the feelings go. Love for a person is not removed in our hearts, it just becomes weak. Weaker and weaker. Until I get used to the pain. Masakit pero as I move forward, I got used to it. It hurts but it will hurt me so much if I just get stucked there for a long moment. Kaya nga kailangang bitawan, kailangang ilabas, para di ka mapuno. Para di umapaw. Kasi kapag umapaw, ikaw yung mahihirapan. Ludwig taught me to just cry. Tama lang naman ang pagiyak ‘cause at the end of the day? Yun yung naging lakas ko. I learned to fight. I learned to forgive. I learned to start over. Forgetting doesn’t heal. Forgiveness does. For now, I can honestly say, I have forgiven my self and Fred. I learned to accept that everything has an ending. And it made me cry as I remember my answer in a question in Baguio last months.

“Happy ever after ending? Yes. But let’s accept that Life is not a fairy tale. It never was. To be happy is being satisfied of what you have, being contented of what God has given you. It is a story of how we fight for our feelings, how we accept mistakes, how we make difficult decisions, and facing the consequences. How we say sorry and forgive the mistakes of others. Life isn’t a fairy tale. It never was. If we want to be happy, the choice is ours. They say, it’s not what you get. It’s how you get it. Thank you.”