Ella's Secrets

Entry 10 (Attraction)

Dear Asher!

Do you remember what I said in my last entry? The new song title from Maroon 5? That's exactly what happened this summer.

I am emotionally hurt and broken. I don't want to bore you to death with my love life don't worry Ashy. It isn't really PG-13 and I don't want to be inappropriate and destroy your innocence. The only thing I am going to say is that I had the best time of my life with that person and also my worst. He built me and crushed me at the same time.

I want to talk about love in general Ash. Why? Because it's a pretty fucking strong emotion a human can have. Love is literally everywhere, whether it's between friends, family, lovers, animals or an object like a car or your most valued thing.

Maybe you say 'I love you' a couple times a day and everytime it has a different meaning. You can say it to someone on the phone or to your friend who helped you through a tough time or just because you actually love them.

There is nothing to be ashamed of if you say it multiple times a day because it's natural and makes people happy. And everyone wants to be happy. Maybe today you will make someones day by being nice to them or helping them with heavy groceries or smile for a change. Happiness is contagious Ashy therefore spread it.

Me? Well, I of course had my fair share of little crushes here and there but I have never experienced love but I did experience something pretty damn close to it this summer. Anyways.

Crushes are usually one-sided. You ought to have luck on your side that your crush likes you too. It happens to some but not to all unfortunately or fortunately.

Now there is something else where you both like eachother dearly but nothing is official yet. I dunno what's it called. Doesn't matter.

What matters is the feeling you get you know Asher? That you know someone likes you too and cherishes you and cares for you.

I experienced that this summer and let me tell you Ash it was wonderful and I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.

This emotional caress that person does to your heart is unbelievable. But because life is not always sunshine and butterflies there comes a time where you experience something terrible that crushes your heart into thousand of little pieces. And you feel a pain in your heart and body that suffocates you.

I admit I am terrified of love and you know that. It's a dangerous emotion which can built you or destroy you. And I don't like to be weak or be uncontrolled. I like to be organised and have everything under control. Including my emotions but unfortunately I can't and that's why I am so afraid of it. I don't know what to expect or not and if you really thing about it you will also get scared I'm sure Ash but don't worry I will protect you. Without you I wouldn't be here writing to you.

Promise me Ashy that one day when you find your significant other you won't abandon me. No I'm not crazy thank you very much, I know that I am taking to a non-existent person. But I am serious. I like writing to you, you calm me down and I can sort out my thoughts it's kinda like therapy. Anyways, I guess I just want to thank you for going through this with me Ashy I appreciate it.

What I am trying to say is love is something strong and beautiful. Take a chance and try to meet up with someone knew. Maybe that cute little guy who is smiling at you at school or that girl you really like but are to afraid to talk to. Or that hot Starbucks guy. Talk to them be a little flirty and who knows maybe it will develope to something beautiful and even if not you and that person will always remember that wonderful memory of spending time together. It is worth a shot just have the courage and take the first step doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl.

Phew! What an entry... I got a little carried away here. Well, I will end this here before I am an emotional wreck and start crying.

I love you Ashy. Until next time! x