Ella's Secrets

Entry 16 (Insanity)

Dear Asher!

This phase doesn't get better. As time passes by I feel like I'm going insane a bit more day by day. I swear I can't take it anymore.

As a kid everyone wished to be grown up already to do all the 'grown up things'. I did too but now I wish nothing more than to be a kid again with no care in the world. I always thought that everything will work out eventually when I'm an adult. But I was so wrong. It just got worse. Because now you are responsible for your own shit and everybody expects something from you.

With every passing day I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Did you ever experience that horrible moment when your parents or a close relative just randomly shouts and yells their lungs out? I nearly do every day. That's not healthy for both parties, throwing tantrums any time that person pleases.

Why are you shouting? Why are you cursing at me? Why did you raise your hand at me? What did I do to deserve this? What the hell did I do? Am I disrespecting you? Is that it? Well buddy I will respect you the day you start respecting me and stop treating me like a maid or your slave. I am a goddamn person with feelings. I am human. Treat me like one and I'll do the same doesn't matter what relationship I have with you.

Do you know Ash what I hate the most about that specific person? Everything. I wish I could say this to him:

I hate your voice when you shout. I hate how your eyes are looking at me with that intense stare. I hate how you start to shake with anger. I hate how you come closer to me with every word you say to dominate me. I hate your awful and cruel words. I hate every single about you.

You made me go insane.

Goodbye Ash.