Ella's Secrets

Entry 11 (Freedom)

Dear Asher!

So many things have happened these past weeks you won't even believe me. No, unfortunately I didn't meet Prince Harry or any other celebrity for that matter.  My best friend (btw I honestly can't remember if i ever told you about her or not) moved to Scotland temporarily and I am devastated. I miss her so much it hurts. It is stressful dealing with time difference and such but it is manageable. Nobody can tell me it's "impossible". If you really love that person you will always have time to see their face, their smile, their tears everything. I miss her terribly but I want her to enjoy her stay there and be happy. I want her to experience new things, meet new people and socialize (unlike me... little joke.. or not).

Apart from that I managed to solve one of my biggest problems and I am really happy about that. I  won't elaborate because I think it will be too much for you Ashy. It was suffocating me and draining my energy. I am sure I did the right thing because I couldn't ignore my personal needs anymore. I already did that for 2 years and it was slowly killing me. After I solved my problem I felt like I could breath again and be free.

Correct me if I am wrong but I think I already mentioned to you that I don't like help from other people. That is my biggest flaw. There are times you HAVE to accept help to save yourself from all your worries and your misery. I did. My first and obvious reaction was to tell my friends and explain them what really happened and hope for the best. They listened to me patiently. I really am thankful for my friends who have my back and want to protect me. One of my guy friends told me to seek help from a much more experienced adult. At first I brushed it off but as time passed my problem became bigger and bigger until I realised that I have to overcome my fear and pride and just talk. And I am glad I did.

She told me what to do and said I have to confront that person about our problem and don't run away.  With you running away you only add more fuel to the fire. You have to face it and know what you want to do. I took her advice at heart and really thought about what I want and after some time I knew. 

At the end I did come clean and I sure hope so with all I have to never face this problem again. 

I'm sorry Ash that I annoy you with this shit but I have to write it out so I can close that chapter of my life. Hopefully my next entry will be a happy one... That's it from me today.

I love you Ashy. Until next time! x