Ella's Secrets

Entry 22 (Birthday)

Dear Asher!

Today's my birthday.

Ash, I'm that type of person who counts the days until their birthday, I'm that type of person who annoyes everybody around them because my birthday is around the corner and I am also that type of person who annoyes people on their birthday by telling them continuesly that today's their birthday.

I love birthdays.

Just because I'm a pessimist I'll start with the negative sides of having your birthday in the summer. First of all it's summer, which means nobody gives a flying fuck about your birthday. Neither your friends nor your family, your pets or your plants. As a kid you thought it's the best time to be born because it's hot outside, you can go swimming and eat a lot of ice cream. Yeah, well that's bullshit.

Ash you already know that my family is fifty shades of fucked in every aspect there is, but with every passing year I tell myself with full of hope 'maybe this year my family (or what is left of them) will remember it'. But that never happened and it most likely will never happen. And the sad part is that I have a cousin who's around 30 and she didn't even remember my birthday. You'll probably think 'why is that so important?'. Yeah well that genius thought it was a good idea to marry on my 10th birthday which means we share one day for 2 events. She congratulated me two days ealier. Telling you I was shocked would be the understatement of the century. How can you fuck up that bad, you know? It's not that hard to remember. Right? I know very well when her wedding anniversary is but she doesn't even give a rats ass on when my birthday is. Well anyways who gives a fuck, right?

I love birthdays but they don't love me. That's the ugly truth. Every year there's always a fight with my dad and I don't even know why. Every year one simple thing happens and just like that my special day is ruined and it is not so special anymore.

In primary school I was so excited for other peolple's birthdays. I loved the atmosphere, the candles, the happy faces and of course the presents. But every coin has 2 sides: I was always jealous of the kids who celebrated their birthday in the school year. Why? Because, Ash, just imagine being in a classroom full of people eating cake and singing the most cliche song on earth to a fellow friend or classmate. Wouldn't you feel the magic in the air? I would because that's what I feel everytime I'm in a birthday party.

In high school I wasn't so bothered anymore if someone congratulated me or not. I realised that not everybody shares the same excitement as me when it comes to birthdays. I had one teacher in high school who was like a grandmother to me. She created a list with all our birthday dates and pinned that on a wall in the classroom. We tried to celebrate once a month but that didn't happen all the time because we had a lot going on. That didn't stop my teacher though. Just because we didnt't celebrate once in a month didn't mean that those kids were irrelevant. No. We did celebrate their birthdays a month later or so but at the end we did. In those 4 years I started to feel the magic again that I once lost. I enjoyed those time so much. Thinking back I actually do miss them but the most important thing is the precious memories I have of those beautiful moments with my friends and my favourite teacher.

Ash do you know what's making me a little bit sad? The fact that nobodys caring enough for their birthday anymore. It's YOUR special day. YOU were born on that day. Your mother gave birth to YOU on that very day. She cried out of pain and joy because YOU were born. She screamed her lungs out for YOU. And your dad probably passed out on the floor a long time ago. And one day YOU'll also cry and scream out of joy and pain because YOU gave birth to your child. One day that will be one of your most treasured moments in your life.

Moving on to the positive sides on having your birthday in summer. The weather's great (not every year but it's still warm and comfortable) and there are a lot more activities to do... well to be honest there isn't much to tell...

The only thing I learned is that it's in your hand what you do on that day and with whom you decide to celebrate doens't matter in which season you were born in. To older you get the more you learn to appreciate your summer birthday.

Love ya Ashy. Until next time! x