Ella's Secrets

Entry 5 (Family)

Dear Asher!

I don't really believe in love Asher. Do you know why? No of course not. There is something that you don't know about me well more about my family. My parents are divorced. I'm not really sad about it. Really.

I live with my dad. I always was 'daddy's princess' and I always will be. I also have an older brother who is 24 but he lives with my mother. I will spare you with the details because I'm sure you don't want to hear this sob story...

Back to why I don't believe in love. Well, you know Asher I once had a best friend. I knew her since I was 2 years old and she was a year old. We were inseparable. We grew up together and did some crazy shit any kid and teenager would do.

As I grew older I didn't want to play all day because my school was stressing me out and I had difficulties keeping up and my dad said that I should focus on my studies rather then playing all day. I really tried to do so.

After a while I distanced myself from her. By the way her name is Vivienne. One day she told me 'Ella are you serious? You can't always study that's not normal. Sometimes I feel like you are just trying to avoid me and you tell me an excuse that you study for some exam'. I told her that she is talking bull crap.

I didn't want to do anything with her and ended our friendship of 14 years. Later I found out from that my beloved mother (heavy sarcasm here) is engaged to Vivienne's uncle which is kinda fucked up if you ask me. This means she is going to be my stepcousin.

That engagement was really awkward for me and for my dad. My dad was furious because his best friend (aka Vivienne's father) was betraying him. He was engaging my mother to his brother. That was the last straw. We broke our contact from all of them. Now it's just my dad and I.

I don't have any relatives here where I live Asher so it's just us two. There are times I feel like I'm alone and nobody is here to laugh with me, cry with me or just to be with me. I feel like shit thinking about it.

My friendship with Vivienne, my relationship with my brother and my mother was broken and also my trust in general. I don't trust anyone anymore because I know at the end I will always be disappointed.

That's the reason why I don't believe in love. I know that's it's temporary. After awhile it will fade away...

When Pete confessed to me I was shocked. Like I couldn't really talk for some minutes. That was the first time, and probably last time because I'm forever alone, a guy confessed to me. And not any guy. No Ashy. The incredibly good looking, smart guy with the ocean blue eyes.

Do you want to know what my reaction was? And nope I didn't start crying and said 'OMG! I love you too let's get married'.

Nuh-uh my awesome reaction was that I just ran away like a scared little cat.

I guess I will stop right here because I'm emotionally wrecked with all the bad memories. Enough with the memory lane.

Love ya Ashy (I still love your new nickname). Until next time! x