Solitude

Love

L-O-V-E

A four letter word that means so much to many. The closets thing we believe we have to magic. A feeling that some people would kill for.

Love is everywhere. From the first stroke of a guitar string to writing the last lyric of a song. To reading peoples journey from being strangers to being soul mates. Seeing the bumps in their journey fore played on the movie screens. To maybe seeing two friends fall in love in real life. See how their faces light up when they see or mentioned each other and they can't stop talking about one another.

Maybe that's the reason I don't believe in love.

Maybe its because I watched my best friend cry her eyes out for hours at a time and always say to me through her tears ' what if' or 'why' . Maybe its because she called me down to the office and cried into my shoulder for the rest of the period, her mascara forever stained onto my uniform shirt.

Or maybe its because I've never seen an actual proper relationship. I've seen what others describe as ' magic' or 'the best feeling ever'.

On the contrary, all I've seen and heard is yelling, name calling, broken hearts and tears.

I've watched people who believed they were in 'love' change. I've watch them change from wanting a relationship as much as they want air to wanting nothing to do with the same or opposite sex.

Slowly, overtime, I've changed to. I've changed because I've seen what other people have gone through and I don't want that to happen to me.

I've built my walls up so high when it comes to 'love'. Its so high that I can't even see the top of it anymore.

Because of this I don't know how to act in a relationship or how to be around a guy when he tells me he likes me. Most of the time I think hes lying or just say 'okay'. Because there's nothing nothing ever there. Nothing besides memories of past experiences and others past experiences.

Maybe one day someone will come along and change my mind, but for now; I don't believe in love.