Solitude

Age

I am seventeen but all the years previous make up who I am now.

I am the squalling infant at three am needing a diaper change.

I am the laughing four year old, running around in the schoolyard while my friend chases me.

I am the seven year old, petting my new puppy as I watch him sleep.

I am the unbeknownst eleven year old, who isn't prepared to make the choice she is about to make.

I am the thirteen year old, crying herself to sleep, as her parents lay less than two yards from her.

I am the fifteen year old, walking around with bleary eyes and a mind a thousand miles away from where it's supposed to be.

Now I am seventeen and all the previous years attribute to who I am today.

I'm up until three am, biting my pillow to keep myself from squealing at a funny video on instagram. I laugh all the time, sometimes so hard that my face turns all red and tears stream down my face. I pet my puppy (still the same one after al this time) as much and as often as I can. I still make stupid, spontaneous decisions without thinking about the consequences. I cry myself to sleep some days still too because it feels like my world is collapsing in on me. I often still find myself walking around with bleary eyes and my mind a million miles away when I should be paying attention in class.

Yes I am seventeen.
But I am also all the years before me.