Never Let Me Go

Warnings

                 

Arianna's POV

12:45

I clench my eyes shut.

This is ridiculous.

As my bare feet touch the cold, wooden floors, I feel chills run up my spine. Involuntarily shivering, I attempt to pull Colin's shirt further down my half-naked body. That doesn't do much good. Aside from his wife beater, the only other clothing I have on is a pair of lacy underwear. Pretty sure the matching bra I had to go with it is hanging somewhere from our ceiling fan....

My feet carry me over to the kitchen and I flip the switch on. Opening up the freezer, I lean up and grab the carton of Ben & Jerry's "The Tonight Dough." Closing it back up, I pull the drawer open and grab a spoon.

Leaning over the kitchen island, I fill the spoon to the max and stuff it in my mouth. This shit is heaven, but I can't really bring myself to enjoy it. Not like I should, anyway.

I close my eyes again as images from my dream (nightmare) come back to mind.

Recollections of Jamie sneaking into my room, feeling on me, touching me, molesting me. My sexual abuse at the hands of Kay's uncle is something I've never really addressed. Never wanted to. Much like Maya, I prefer to avoid my problems. I guess, I'm just now starting to realize that doing so actually exacerbates the situations later in life.

I've been having this same dream almost every night for the past week. It's torture. Having to relieve those painful memories. I twist and turn, until ultimately waking up in horror. Thankfully, Colin is a heavy ass sleeper and I'm usually able to have my little breakdown without disturbing his slumber. I don't want that. Especially since the dreams always seem to follow sex....

I release a shaky breath, feeling my eyes getting watery. I hate this so much. Why the fuck does this keep happening? Why can't I get it off my mind?

I almost jump back in a panic when I feel someone behind me, but calm when those warm and familiar arms secure themselves around my body.

"What are you doing up?" I question quietly, placing another spoon of ice cream in my mouth. I'd offer him some, but this is the one flavor he can't stand. Good. More for me.

I shiver, feeling his rough hands run up and down my thigh. "Pretty sure I'm the one who should be asking you that."

I smile, as his lips move against the side of my neck. "Well I beat you to it asshole." He chuckles and I yelp when he picks me up. "Colin!" I exclaim, making sure not to let go of my ice cream. He walks us into the living room and slowly settles down on the sofa, pulling me on his lap, us facing each other, my legs on either side of him. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me as I continue to eat my ice cream. I avoid his eyes. I know what he's doing and I really don't feel like having this convo right now. I flinch softly when I feel his abrasive hand reach out to cup my cheek, his thumb moving in circular motions against my cheek.

"How much longer?" His voice is low and filled with concern. I allow my eyes to fall back onto him.

"How much longer till what..." I press quietly.

"Till you tell me what's wrong..."

I divert my eyes again, "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Every night," he starts, as I continue to avoid his gaze. "Every night, for the past week, you've woken up in the middle of the night. Disappeared downstairs for half an hour or so, then sneak your way back into bed like nothing happened."