You & I

going

it had been a week since i got my new tattoo and i loved even more now than i did when i first got it! today i was going to show it to hope. hannah had seen it and loved it and told me hope would too.

***

"hey hope" i whispered

"hi millie, i missed you"

"i missed you to babe, i have got something to show you, its for you"

"really!" she said excited

"well i got another tattoo"

" WOW i love your tattoos, but why is it for me?"

"well because.. just look" i said as i pooled my hair up shoing her my inked neck.

she read it slowly outloud.

"dont ever lose HOPE"

i just smiled as i felt her touch my neck.

"do you like it babe?"

"no i love it! thank you so much millie you are the best big sister ever! i love you!"

"im so glad you like it, i got it just for you! and i love you too!"

" what did hannah think?" she asked 

"she said she loved it and that she knew would to"

"well i do!"

i just sat staring it her, she was beautiful even without her long blond hair!. i got a text from josie asking how hope was and stuff like that, then i got another message from her it was a picture. i opend it to see  a bit shaved  off the side of josie hair. i started to cry.

"millie whats wrong?" 

" look babe look at this" i said showing her my phone.

"is that josies hair?"

"yep it is, she did it for you"

as soon as i said that hope went into shock her body was shaking, i didnt know what to do i just cryed for help praying that a doctor would come fast, i suddenly heard a beep, her heart had stopped. the doctors and nurses cam in with a crash cart.

" charge at 250" one of them said

"clear"

i phoned mum straight away she said she was on her way. it wasnt working, her heart hadnt started again.

"charge at 350 this time and push another epi"

her body went into the air a bit then she opend her eyes and looked at me 

"millie i cant do it anymore, its to much pain, to much effort trying to breath when its so painful, let me go please"

thats when i burst into tears and fell to the ground. i felt large hands round me, i looked up to see nialls blue orbs staring into my eyes. i could see he had been crying but i never said anything. i begain to look around to see all my family, the girls, and one direction. it was alot of people! 

"mum what happend" i asked 

"dont worry shes ok"

"no mum shes not she told my she wanted to go that it was painful to breath and that she couldnt do it anymore, mum please let her go please mum "

"millie no"

"mum please just do it, do it for hope, i know its the hardest decison of your life but for this to come out my mouth is the hardest. do you think i want to see her go no but i dont want her to live life in pain and fear that she might not wake up after a sleep"

mum started to cry so did hannah and everyone in the room, i looked at hannah she was sitting holding hopes hand crying her little eyes out. 

"mummy please just do it, look at her, just look at her" hannah said crying

by this time hannahs heart had stopped 3 times since i saw her last and i knew it was no way for a child to live. hope woke up.

"mum let me go, please"

niall squeesed me tight and whisperd "dont worry"

it made me feel slightly better about this situation. i think everyone was in shock of what just came out hopes mouth because thats not what you normally hear coming out a 10 year olds mouth.

hope asked mum again

"please mummy"

"whatever you want baby girl" those woeds broke me. i just stood there in shock.

my baby sister was going.