You & I

'Happy family'

weeks past and the only words we spoke to each other were 'where are you going' or 'get Duke' no 'goodnights' or 'morning princess' but worst of all no more 'I love yous'.

every time i walked out the door or the other way around i had to stop myself from shouting i love you to him. it was hard. Every day was hard because i had no one to talk to about it. We both promised we wouldn't tell anyone. I regret it now, I need someone to lean on and tell me it's going to be okay.

When our friends come over we put on fake smiles and play happy families. Sometimes I just can't do it and say I'm tired or not feeling well but I can't always do that or they would get suspicious. But sometimes it makes me feel better. It makes me forget everything bad and i just remember the Niall i fell in love with.

The boys were over right now writing a song for their new album, which i have written four songs for. However that's not the point the point is Niall and I are playing happy families and today was a good day in the rare occasions. i was remembering all the good in him.

"Mills will you call Sara to come pick me up at 6 please? " Harry asked

"I'll drive you" that was just an excuse to leave the house.

"No please you have Duke" he replied

"Shut up i'm taking you" with me saying that i could see Nialls gaze watching me carefully.

I turned round and gave him a cheeky grin before heading up stairs to get a crying Duke.

"hi baby boy" i said as i took him from his crib.

I took him downstairs to see his uncles who obviously he has no idea who he is as he is 3 weeks old.

"hello you handsome fella" Louis said pulling a silly face.

i handed Duke to Niall and went to sit next to Liam.

"is everything okay Mills?

" what do you mean? " I said confused.

"You and Niall, you're acting different.  I don't know."

i broke down mentally. The thought of not being able to tell him made me feel sick.

"we're perfect" i gulped swallow my saliva.

He gave me an un assured look but carried on writing some melodies down.

That was close!  i just hope he's the only one who's has suspicions.

The rest of the day consisted of goofing around and me helping the boys right there songs.

"You five are awful at song writing" i joked

"sorry what was that? we cant hear you from the top of the charts" Harry laughed

"mmmm funny. Thanks to me you'll be on top again" i teased

"you know mills all joking aside you have an amazing song writing ability" Niall said and by the tone of his voice i knew it was sincere.

I smiled then bit my lip and looked down at the floor. He took my hand that was resting on the couch arm chair and squeezed it tight.

"i mean it you know" he whispered into my ear.

I acted like nothing happened and just ignored him for the time being. I wanted to show him how much i loved him everyday but there was a voice in side my head saying no. it was so hard because i know how sorry he is and how much he loves me but i just cant seem to forgive.

We had finished writting one song and i was already starting the second. 

"I'm to tired to start writing another" Zain said yawning

Liam and Louis both agreed.

"I don't mind writing one all by myself" i smirked

"you just want the recognition" Harry said.

we all laughed knowing it was true.

"you know im good styles" i said

"You know I'm better Horan" He replied

"watch your mouth little boy" i joked

these comment continued for another 20 minutes until harry decided he wanted to leave.

"ready?" I asked him

He nodded and we made our way to Nialls Porshe.

"why are we taking Niall's car?"

"It's faster"

"oh so you want rid of me quicker"

"you know it babe" i said patting his knee driving out of the drive way.

The traffic was awful as usual. Normally it take max 20 minutes to Harry & Saras flat tonight its so far taken 45 minutes and i'd say we still had another 20 to go.

"im so sorry Mills, i told you i'd just have Sara come pick me up" Harry said apologetic.

"honestly i'd rather be sitting in this traffic than be at home right now" oh shit why did i say that.

Harry gave me a puzzled look and i knew he'd want to know what i meant by that.

"Mills what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing.  i shouldn't have said anything" i mumbled and pretended to suddenly be interested on the radio.

"don't pretend you care about the radio now. spill it Horan" he demanded.

"Harry i can't,  i promised"

"is it something with Niall?"

I nodded slowly thinking if i should tell him or not.

"Niall would hate me if i told you"

"He dosnt need to know i know."

"He cheated on me. like properly this time not just a kiss like actual sex."

"oh shit. Mills I'm so sorry i shouldn't have asked"

"no im glad you did. i needed to tell someone. its been eating at me since i found out"

"when did you find out? "

"boxing day"

"shit. thats a long time. do you know who it was?"

"no idea but when i do she will be dead."

"does he know you know? "

"i told him the day Duke was born. i know what a bad day to tell him but i couldn't keep it from him anymore"

"I dont blame you. it must have been awful" He took my hand and rubbed it.

I smiled and looked him in the eyes.

"haz you cant tell anyone"

"i swear i will never tell a sole"

I heard horns honking i looked around in confusion.

"MILLIE"