You & I

Last Chance

September 21st

i'm curently in the hospital writting in my stupid diary that i havnt written in since FOREVER! i dont even know why, i guess im just bored! Niall has finished touring for this year which is amazing for me because he can be here more and we can spend more time with each other! i just need to get out of hospital! he come in and sees me everyday as well as el and sara!

tomorrow is surgery day! NOT EXCITED! I have been told that this is my last chance, if this fails then so does my body, so basically if this surgery dosnt go well i DIE. The cancer has spread to my second breast, which of course is NOT good! no one can really say anything to me that will make me feel better, because everyone knows that i could die tomorrow, today could be my last day to live.

there was a knock on my door and in walked my doctor

"millie as you know your surgery is tomorrow but we just have to run a few test's to make sure everything is fine before the surgery. OK?"

i nodded

"ok i will get a nurse to comein and take your blood"

"thank you" i smiled, he smiled back then left

im so bored in this place i have been in here for about a mmonth and it SUCKS! im all ways in hospital! i need fresh air! i grabbed my phone and texted Niall, Sara and El.

M- Guys i'm SOOOOOOO bored! please come save me! love you x.

within second Sara replied

S- Eleanor and I are on our way! So desperate to do something! we have makeup and nice clothes, we are going for lunch with Niall and the boys! see you soon xxx

thanks god for that, but i wonder if im even aloud out because if VERY weak. like i havnt walked in 2 weeks, weak!

my phone buzzed 

N- Hey babe, we are going out for lunch i think sara and el should be on there way! love yuo loads see you soon xxxx

M- Yea they said they would be here soon! dont know if i will be aloud out though! :( xxxx

N- NO they cant do that! xxxx

M- Actually they can im weak you know!xxxx

Despite the fact that i could possibly die tomorrow i am being positve and happy! 

seconds later el and Sara walked in with a starbucks! 

"ahhh nice food!" i said with my mouth open

"yea hello to you to!" el said

"hello im dying here!"

they both kind of looked at each other

"for food" i added, they both nodded at each other 

"here" sara said handing me a cheese and ham sandwhich with a white chocolate frappiccino.

"so we are going out for lunch in like 2 hours" sara statted

"well i dont think i will be aloud out of here" i say sadly

"WHAT" they both say surprised

"i go for surgery tomorrow! im am actuall dying!"

both of their smile turn into frowns

"please dont say that! you are a fighter!" Sara reassures me

"well im hoping for the best but expecting the worst!" 

now i know what Hope went threw all the pain, just wanting to give up! its so god dam hard! no person should have to go threw this. oh how i miss that little girl! her smile, her eyes her tough and her delicesy. she was just such sweet loving person!

"C'mon mills this is your last chance befroe your surgery" el says standing up

"im not stupid you know how about you go ask my doctor, please" i beg

"yea ok!" el said and walks out the door

Sara grabbed my hand 

"you cannot give up!"

"who said i was giving up?"

"you were thinking of Hope!" how did she know that?

"how did you know what i was thinking?" 

"i have known you forever! im not stupid! now please dont think about dying think about living and what you are going to do once you are cancer free, think about your future, getting married, having kids. look ahead not behind!"

tears started falling from my eyes

"well he said... WOW what did i miss you are both in tears!" el questioned

"emm nothing we are fine" i say whipping my tears, sara doing the same

"what did he say?" Sara asked 

"Yes!" she said happily

thank gosh! this WILL probally be my last chance to be outside.