hard choices // l.h

1

"Ev!? have you seen my picks? i go on in 2 and i cant find them and im freaking out." luke cried as he tugged lightly at his curly blond locks. "Babe calm down they're right here." i chuckled as i gave the picks to him.

"thank you so much. you are the best. you know that?" he spoke as he wrapped his arm around my small waist. i blushed then skooted him away. "you have to be on stage. good luck you'll do amazing. you always do." i smiled then pecked his worried face lightly.

"thank you. i better see you in the crowd." he smirked. "hemmings you comming?!" one of the managers yelled impatiently.

he smiled back at me then winked. he ran onto stage as i was left there alone, smiling like an idiot.

as i walked out to find my seat to watch the show, i saw the openers that played for 5sos, hey violet in the hall. i wasnt very close to them but luke talked to them a ton about me and we've met once or twice. so we we're cool.

casey, the guitarist, caught my eye. "Hey, evelyn right?" he asked as i walked up to him. "Yeah." i laughed. "you guys played really fucking good tonight."

"well thank you darling. we were just gonna go get a few drinks wanna come with us?" casey offered gesturing towards the rest of the band.

"oh no, i promised luke i would be in the croud." i bit my lip and rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly...

"yeah of course. go support your boyfriend. we'll be there afterwards their show too so bring all them down."

"i will thanks." i said as i left to go out into the screaming souls of teenagers. this was so crazy. ive been to these concerts before obviously. but its just a crazy expirence. i found my seat without anyone seeing me or else i knew someone would give me shit about being the lead singers girlfriend.

its been hard dealing with all that shit but ive gotten used to it for 6 months now. its still really hard. bryana, ashtons ex, has helped me through it too. shes my bestfriend. ashton and bryana have been sorta going on and off lately but its whatever. bryana has no feelings for him anymore so im pretty sure its done but you never know with her. shes a rollercoaster of emotions that woman. but you gotta love her.

i stood at my seat and gazed up at him. i had almost front row so i was practically touching him. once and a while id see him smile at me. id smile back then look at one of the other boys. it was hard for me to see ashton because he was on a fucking conveyer belt that was going up and down. i dont know how the hell he does it.

calum finally saw me and winked then went back to his solo on Jet Black Heart. which was probably my favorite song of all time.

the blood in my veins, is made up of mistakes. lets forget who we are and dive into the dark. as we burst into color we turn into life..

best park of the song right there. yes i know, its not lukes park but that doesnt nessisarily matter because i love lukes vocals in the song too but just that lyric makes my brain and my heart collide with thoughts. i dont know. i could go on and on for days talking about this song.

after the show, i went backstage and met the sweaty, out of breath, tired as fuck, man boys as they got ready to go grab a drink.

"hey ev! what did you think?" luke asked sounding excited as he ran up into my arms. "amazing luke. you all did so good. im not surprised. you guys nail it everytime." i smiled and kissed my sweaty boyfriend.

"thanks ev. are you comming to grab a drink with us before we leave again?" ashton asked as he matted down his sweaty face with a towel. "yeah sure why not." i said looking at lukes smiley face.

"lets go shall we." calum and michael said as they skipped out of the room together. me and ashton laughed at them then walked out of the dressing room.

"luke you comming?" i asked as i look at luke. "yeah um wait can i talk to you?" "sure whats up?" i asked concerned. "i dont know if this is a good idea for you.. you just got over your addiction and everything.."

i rolled my eyes and turned around. " luke one little drink wont kill me." "e, i dont want you to drink anything. if you start you cant stop. you said it remember?" i gulped down hard as rage started to come over me. "fine."

"evelyn, im trying to help you okay, dont be mad at me." luke said quietly as he gently pulled my arm closer towards him. "i know. its fine. lets just go have fun for an hour before you guys have to go again." luke smiled then pulled my arm outside. as we walked hand and hand, i thought about this. im gonna feel left out. nia, miranda, rena, and casey are all gonna judge me too. should i even be going with them?

"wait luke." i stopped abruptly as we approched the pub. "whats wrong?"
"i dont know if this is a good idea even commig in here. what if they judge me.." luke turned his body so he faces me. "we dont have to do this if you dont want e. i know for a fact the wont juge you. nia and miranda might not even drink. so you wont be alone. if you really want, i wont get anything." "no luke. you get to celebrate after your show. im not gonna stop you from drinking just because i cant." "if thats what you want im willing to not get anything." "no. dont. im over reacting. im fine lets just have fun."

"you'll be okay. if you really want to leave, we can leave. we have to clean up anyway." "okay.." i smiled slightly as he kissed my temple then opened the door for me.

we stepped into the dirty pub then found a huge booth where everyone was at. my stomach churned at the smell of alchohol. i took a deep breath as we made our way to the booth.

"Finally! what happend to you guys!" ashton asked as he took a gulp of beer. my palms got sweaty. "i had to go to the bathroom and i made e wait for me." luke chuckled nervously. the he gestured me first to a seat next to calum in the booth.

everyone started talking about random things and often laughing about some ugly banana michael found on the street. the boys were about to go on their new tour "sounds good feels good live" and luke made things work out so i could come with. course there was a catch. i just have to help manage some of the things which isnt a big deal. i used to do this stuff alot when i worked at xel energy center in st. paul minnesota. i had to help the stage people set up and everything.

anyway i was just excited i got to go and support them. and of course be there for luke. i dont know what i would've done if i had to stay home.

"what about you Evelyn?" calum asked me. my face got hot by the second. "oh um, what were we talking about? i wasnt listening.." i chuckled then bit my lip awkwardly.. luke chuckled then gently squeezed my thigh which made me squirm.

"if you could go back in time to fix one of your mistakes, would you do it?" calum asked, fully turned to me also everyones faces were locked onto my small pale one. "um well.. no. because if i did, i probably would be the lucky girl i am now." i chuckled. everyone seemed understanding as they thought about that for a minute.

"i guess that makes sense." rena said as she took a swig of her beer. i cringed. i almost couldnt take it anymore. i felt sick. my head was pounding. my stomach still churned. "im gonna go step outside.." i whispered to luke as i grabbed my purse.

"oh okay. are you okay?" luke whispered as he let me out of the booth. "i just need some air.." i said as i walked quickly to the door. i pulled it hard towards me then stepped out into the fresh air of sydney australia. i sat down and closed my eyes. i dont know if i can do this. maybe i should just leave now. i cant take going back in there. the temptation is killing me. the more i thought about it, the more i urged for the burning sensation of alchohol in my throat and on my tounge.

next thing i know im walking. i dont know where but i just walk and dont look back. but what about luke? he'll be fine. hes a 20 year old man. he'll call you. i go back to the stadium and ask to get in the tour bus. they let me in and i go strait for my suitcase and i put on a t-shirt and i find the closest sweatpants, which are probably ashtons or somethig. who cares. i grab my phone out of my purse then i find some headphones and craw into lukes bunk. i cant live like this. i just have to forget it as i sulk in Halsey's lyics.