hard choices // l.h

19

i parked my car in a parking slot then got my phone and started walking into the hotel. i stood there in the lobby, my heart racing, my head pounding, my mind not even thinking. then i saw him come out of the elevator barefoot and wearing sweatpants, a hoodie, and a beanie.

i fail at hiding my sad smile then walk up to him and hug him, speaking no words. we hugged for as long as a minute then parted and sat down. "i dont really know what to do anymore.." i sighed, "i guess im winging it.." i whispered as i looked into his soulful eyes. "i want you to know im here for you okay. whatever decision you make, ill be here." he said quietly said in a sleepy voice. i smiled lightly then looked down at my cold latched hands. suddenly after a moment, he leaned over and grasped them in his large ones then i looked up at him. he just stayed staring down as he gently played with my hands, like he always used to do.

once he looked up, his face crumbled at the sight of mine, tears rolling down my rosy face. "hey hey hey. its going to he alright. i promise you okay?" i silently nodded then pulled my hands away to wipe my pathetic face. "i know it will. im just.. torn i guess... colin is.. an amazing person and it breaks my heart to put that ralationship to waste. because," i sniffled then pulled his warm hands into mine again, "i think i love you."

i woke up and i physically felt my heart break. whats wrong with me? i wondered. then my phone scared the living shit outta me as it vibrated on my bedside table.

"hey." i sleepy ash said in the phone on the other side. "hi. what you doing up this late?" i asked in a groggily voice. "thinkin about you. you okay?" "mhm kinda." i sighed. the other line was silent. "do you think.. maybe you could come over? i just.. i miss your cuddles." i chuckled hoplessly in the phone. he chuckled sleepily then replied. "of course i will evelyn. ill be there in a few okay." "okay." i whispered then hung up, biting my lip.

i layed back into my bed and shut my eyes. i dont really know if the whole colin thing is going to work out after all. i mean, hes an amazing guy that honestly deserves better if he wants to be with a girl who cant decide which man she loves more.

"knock knock.." a deep voice sang quietly as ash entered my room in the complete darkness. i sat up and leaned over to turn on the light. "hey." i breathed he dropped his jacket on the floor then crawled into my big warm bed. "sorry the door was unlocked." he chuckled. "its okay." i smiled. the moonlight shined in through my large window, showing ash's facial features. he scooted over then pulled me into his warm chest. he told me it was gonna be okay. and i believed him. i mean, everyone keeps telling me that, and i really do try to belive them, but it just doesnt feel like it will. no matter who i choose to be with, im gonna end up hurting someone and its not fair to me.

"i really hope your're right." i say, muffled against his ripped tshirt. "i am. listen," ash said as he pulled away from me to look at me. "luke really loves you. maybe even more than before because he thought he wasnt gonna lose you anytime soon. but now that he doesnt have you, hes scared of you leaving him again. the guys and i want you and luke to be together again, but obviously, we know thats not our choice. its yours."

"i love him too.." i choked. "then what are you waiting for?!" "i dont want to put an opportunity to waste." "evelyn, dont date a guy just for a good job. if you sincerly love luke, be with luke." i stopped trying to talk because i was just very tired and i was too torn but ash had a point. if i was really gonna be with colin just for that stupid job then its so not worth it. but i dont know. i think i like colin. genuenly.

i woke up the next morning with guilt in my heart. But i knew i was gonna be happy. thats all that mattered, didnt it?