hard choices // l.h

17

i saw him sitting there. in a big sweatshirt. with three cold boys next to him, drinking coffee next to him. his curly hair was a dark brown which confused me because luke would never die his hair but i guess its natural.

i silently walked over to the picnic table where they sat. ashton was the first one to jump up and run over to hug me. i chuckled as he jumped into my arms and almost made me fall back. "i missed you so so much." he whispered into my hair. "i missed you too ashy." i mumbled.

then i looked up to see all of them comming towards me. i took a deep breath and forced a smile to come across my cold rosy face. luke then came over and almost strangled me from his tight grip. "please dont leave me again." he whispered into my ear. i hugged him tight as a tear rolled down my face. he hugged me for a second longer then it was michael's turn.

i smiled then gave him a tight bear hug. "happy birthday." i mumbled into his chest. he laughed then kissed my forhead. then calum came around. i wiped my tears away and gave him a weak smile as he grabbed me and brought me into his warm broad body. i squeezed my eyes shut then before i knew it we pulled apart.

we silently, yet awkwardly, took a seat on the rickety picnic table and started talking. "well hows the tour going?" i sniffled. they all exchanged lookes at eachother then looked down. "we uhm couldnt play anymore, because you left, so we cancled it for a few months to get our heads straight." ashton numbly explained. i felt as if the color left my body.

they cancled their tour because of me. now i felt extra guilty. i took a deep shaky breath then looked at them. "did you really need to do that?" i asked despreatly. luke was the first one to nod then calum, ash, and michael nodded shortly after.

"i dont know what to say really." i sniffled then tucked my hair behind my ear. "how was your date." luke asked when he changed the subject.then i noticed as his voice filled with a hint of jealousy. i rolled my eyes slightly then sighed. "it was great actually." i mumbled then looked at luke as the color in his face fled. "who is he?" ashton asked.

"his name is colin. he was uhm, at the bar when i ran off." i looked down as i felt all their eyes land upon me. "i was hurting that night because of you luke. so for me to do this for you guys is a miracle almost because i wouldnt have if colin hadnt talked me into it so you're welcome."

"thank you." michael said after a few moments of silence. "well.. it looks like you dont need us anymore." luke choked as he got up. "nobody ever said anything about that luke." i breathed desperatly. "we need you in our lives Evelyn! cant you tell we love you and we miss you and we care about you?" "thats not what you fucking said that night luke. as i recall, you said i was a burden! and that you were waisting your time on me! how do you think i felt when you said those words to me huh?" i yelled at him. he sighed then pressed his pale fingers in between his eyes.

"i didnt mean for it to come out like that-" "what other way is there to say it luke? you know, maybe you're right. maybe i am a burden to you luke. maybe thats why ive moved on and found someone else." i spat as a tear fell off my sunken face. "Evelyn i love you." luke cried. i stopped and looked up. "how could you say that after what you said to me that day luke..." i breathed as tears swelled up my vision. "ill see you guys around. thanks to your friend here." i spat again as i got up from the table and started to walk away.

"Ev please dont go! we hurried as fast as we could so we could come to new york to see you today and talk for an hour. we deserve you're attendence here after all we went through to get here." ashton said as he got up. i stopped and thought for a minute.

"i love you guys too but because of luke, im leaving. have fun on tour." i said weakly as i turned around and walked back to my car which was parked in the tiny parking lot. i was about to pull out but calum came running back to my car. then he got in. "calum i meant what i said okay. this is all lukes fault-" "dont say that ev. we both know thats not true. it mostly our faults. i never meant to drive you away." "you didnt he did." i sniffled again. "this is all a shitty mess and all we want to do is look past it. maybe we can do that starting with dinner tonight? you can bring conner." "colin." "colin i mean. we dont even have to talk about that night in chicago. we can talk about you and colin or our plans for the tour or upcomming events. it will be fun." i thought about his solution to this mess. then i thought that he probably wouldnt leave my car until i said yes. "okay. fine. just text me the details and we'll be there." i sighed then whiped my eyes dry.