hard choices // l.h

10

i woke up to a large figure playing with my hair. i was confused so i looked up and found a sleepy ash looking down at me, giving me a sad smile. "morning sunshine." he said sleepily. i weakly smiled then slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. "feeling better?" ashton whispered. i breathed in and thought about how i felt.

"no." i whispered back then looked at him with sad eyes. ashton sighed. "im so sorry evelyn. i cant tell you how much my heart hurts for you." ashton scooted closer to my body then i cuddled up against him. my emotions started to tingle as i felt hot tears approching my eyes. "thanks." i muffled into the crook of his neck.

i knew cuddling with ashton wasnt the brightest idea, but for right now, this is all i needed. ashton started to hum a familiar tune. "you know its gonna get better.." he softly sang as he held me tight. i broke out as soft tears wet my face. "i dont know what to do anymore ashton.." i cried into his shirt.

once i stopped, i thought about how stupidly pathetic im being. "im sorry. im being so pathetic." i wiped my eyes and pulled away from him and his, now, damp shirt. "no e its okay. really. im here for you. you're in a tough situation and you need someone to be by yourside." "i know.. i guess you're right." "you arent pathetic. you cant help it ev. i understand completely. i never had anyones shoulder to cry on when bryana dumped me. i know how that felt so im here for you. its not fun i be alone. so you have me."

i smiled as tears came down some more. "thank y-you.." i chuckled then ashton hugged me once more.

-

we got off the bus again and onto another plane. next stop chicago. the flight isnt that long but its still a few hours. probably the worst hours of my life. there was 4 seats next to eachother in a row, wgere all the boys obviouslt sat, so i had to sit alone. which wasnt the worst, but ever since i was little i hated sitting by myself. i just feel so lonely. and during the whole transition neither luke or calum said anything to me. ashton and michael spoke a few sentences to me but thats it.

i really fucking hope this tour gets better because its probably the worst tour of all time right now.

once we landed in chicago, we all got our baggage and found our new bus. this time, this new tour bus had five bunks. i silently thanked the gods as i got situated in my bunk.

by that time, we were all starving so we got some food then took off. we got mcdonalds, (guess who chose that..) and ate in the sitting area where there was a huge table and everything. i love this tour bus. it even smells good.

the table fit all of us but i really didnt wanna sit next to luke so i sat on the couch which was straight across from the table. i didnt mind it actually this time. i mean, id rather sit by myself then sit next to him anyway i guess. as i ate a chicken nuggets, i was listening to the boys talk about random shit. thats basically all they ever talk about.

after they were silent for a minute, i was confused so i looked over at them and ashton was standing up as if to let calum through. i didnt think anything of it until he sat next to me. which, suprised me. i would think ashton or michael would be doing what calums doing but no.

the weirdest part about it, was he just sat down next to me. didnt say anything. didnt make eye contact. just sat next to me.

after that, awkward silence filled the room to the top like an over flowing toilet. i didnt even want to look at lukes face. i could already picture him and his clenched jaw and dark sea eyes. my heart ached more.

i decided to quietly speak to calum. "calum, what are you doing?" calum looked at me and finished chewing his food. "im sick of them. i wanna be by you." he quietly spoke back. my cheeks turned into a flash of light pink at the sound of his words. "im sorry. for... well everything. i just made a mistake and i ruined your life." he looked at my sad eyes. i looked down at my food, suddenly not hungry for it anymore.

"its fine." i whispered, still looking down. "i ruined your life evelyn. you dont hate me? you arent mad?" calum questioned, obviously confused. "no. im dealing with it arent i?" i rudely spoke. it sounded differnt in my head than when i actually said it to him. "just forget it calum." i said then i got up and threw my 6 1/2 chicken nuggets away.