hard choices // l.h

9

my face flushed out and my heart beat was off the charts. i tried my best to at least smile during the three songs that were fucking deticated to me. i tried my best to avoid luke and calums tension but it was almost impossible. i almost wanted them to keep playing more songs just so i wouldnt have to witness what was going to happen backstage.

once they, unfortunatly, finished their set and did their well known bow, my palms got sweaty and my head was pounding with thoughts. why would calum deticate those songs to me right in front of all of those teenagers. well i mean, he is obsessed with me but still. not the whole st. paul needs to know about it.

i said goodbye to the three girls next to me. they were amazingly nice to me which was kinda surprising. im so used to hate. which is really depressing but whatever. at least st. paul likes me. anyways i took a picture with them then left to walk into my worst nightmare backstage.

i showed security my badge then took a deep breath. this wasnt gonna be good. i walked in with trembling hands and wode eyes. i didnt know if i was gonna see them attacking eachother or screaming or what. i gently knocked on their dressing room door then michael opened it in the split second after i knocked.

i sadly smiled at his expression. i couldnt really tell what kind of face he was making but i know it wasnt a good one. my face fell when i herd them yelling. my stomach turned at the cold words that were being screamed.

"stop! stop!" i screamed getting in front of the both of them. "is this nessesary? why are you guys screaming over someting so stupid?? calum just deticated three songs to me. so what?!" i asked luke as i saw the ferocity in his eyes. "were you even listening to the fucking lyrics evelyn?! he loves you!" luke screamed as he gestured his hands at calum. calum just looked away then sat on one of the couches.

"its his fucking fault." luke muttered as he walked away. "okay this is nobodys fucking fault. calum just.." "Calum just what!? he expressed his fucking feelings to you!? he loves you and im not okay with it."

"why not!?" i yelled back at him. "because im scared you guys are gonna kiss or something or hookup!!" silence filled the room as i looked at calum briefly. i guess luke saw me. "wait.. no.. nonono. evelyn please tell me you didnt kiss him.." luke despreatly whispered as he dug deep into my eyes with his slowly saddening ones. "no luke.." i lied as i felt tears and anger and frustration fill up inside me. lukes eyes filled up with tears then he looked away and packed up his things and left for the bus.

"no luke i wasnt.." i desperatly tried to speak to him to make him trust me. the tears finally fell once he left me there with the other 3 boys. i just broke out into silent sobbs as i sat on the couch next to calum. ashton came over to me and wrapped his arms around me. for a moment i forgot he and michael were still in the room. it must've been awkward for them.

"h-hes not leaving me i-is he..?" i quietly asked them as i sobbed more. "just give him time. he'll be fine. just dont think about it too much. soon he'll miss you too much so he'll come back. or he'll get scared that you and calum with actually do something." ashton soothed as he held me tight in his strong arms.

"you guys didnt.. do anything did you..?" michael asked softly. i couldnt answer him without breakin out into sobs so i hoped calum would say something. "i kissed her but she had nothing to do with it." calum admitted in shame. i could silently hear michael and ashton judging us but that was the least of my worries right now.

once i calmed down, we all packed up and went to the bus to find luke sleeping soundly. my heart ached to be with him in his arms but i knew that would've been innapropreate. so i got into some comfy clothes and fell asleep softly sheading tears in the lounge in the back.

what am i gonna do..?