Book of Random Thoughts

Feelings

Dika is probably one of the most puzzling characters I've ever made. On the outside it seems like she's just a badass girl who can do anything and will lay down her life for anyone she loves or even cares abou and mostly keeps to herself. Yet it's so much more than that. 

Sure she's tough, but that's because she was forced to be. If she was weak and, in Alfred's words, like the other 'sissy Americans' she would have died. Before she was sold and you asked her if she would ever go hunting just to eat, she would have laughed and went and told her brothers, aunt, and Papa the funny joke you just told her. She didn't have to do much hard work until she was shipped back to America. 

She's also had to struggle with much homesickness and lose in a different manner. Only the people who were close to William would know how she felt in those 120 years just on a smaller scale. She knew they were out there for a while. She knew that they were alive for a while. She didn't know if Eduard lost his glasses. She didn't know if Raivis was grown up. She didn't know if Toris cut his hair. She didn't know if Natalia stopped scaring people. She didn't know anything about her family. That's why she's so protective of them. She doesn't want them to leave her behind. She doesn't want to lose them again. 

And her keeping to herself is a large lie. I remember Matthew once was upset that her family is always around has well has some of her friends. That's because Dika is terrified of being left alone for too long. She was all alone in the snow for 95 years. She wants people around her to remind her that she isn't alone anymore. That she isn't stuck in the circle anymore. It's also why she finds it hard to believe that people like her. One day she may just wake up to find them all just a dream. She also doesn't see why she's so care for. She's not much. That's been drilled into her head. 

She also hates killing humans. She can kill an animal no problems. She may have a little guilt, but it helped her live plus sometimes she does it to better help the creature. Humans is another matter all together. She can talk about it without no problem. Yet looking at the face of fear and sadness... she just can't bring herself to do it with no guilt at all. That's why compared to the other countries, she's only killed one person, and that's because her angry came out. Why she doesn't like to get angry. She finds herself to be a monster. It's like a dam in her words. It'll leak here and there but can be fixed easily. Nothing big. Yet when it bust opens, you'll see a lot of damage and it'll take much longer to fix. 

This Alaskan people hold to be larger than life really isn't that. She hates herself. She hates what she can become and that she needs to take her family and friend's attention just so they can help her not have a panic attack. She just wants to told that she's got something. Yet she doesn't see that happening. She's just so tricky if you don't know her. It's why I love my Alaskan!