may shatter on impact (tronnor)

2. Meaningless Words & Zoe Sugg

"Welcome to Oak Hill Boarding School!" a girl in pink chirps at Tyde and I, handing us a map of the school and smiling like her soul is dead and she possibly wants to hook up with one or both of us. "We hope you have a great first day today, boys!" She winks as we walk away, puffing out her chest and laughing. It's the first day of school and people have already lost their minds.

"Well, I'll see you on the bus at the end of the day, yeah, Troye?" Tyde asks nervously. "Promise to sit with me?"

I nod and he smiles, before squeezing my hand and walking away to find his first class.

I follow the crowd, folding and unfolding the paper again and again because it's all just so much so much, so, much. I find room 133, where everyone else already is because this is the same homeroom they've all had for six years in the same school they've been going to for six years, the same school that most of them have lived in for six years. And here I am, a nobody with no past and no present currently being processed and no one who knows me and no one who isn't secretly dying of laughter inside, because my hair, my face, my eyes, my everything screams out alien.

"You must be Troye Mellet!" the teacher sings, walking over to me from her desk.

I nod. "I g-go T-t-troye..Sivan...actually."

She nods, eyes wide. "Of course! I'm Mrs. Laugherty! You can sit right next to Zoe, right there!" I begin to walk towards the girl she points to. "No! No, right there!"

Why is she speaking so so loudly? Zoe? Who are you? Oh God, they're all staring at me.

"That's me," a brown haired girl says sweetly, raising her hand a bit. "You're sitting here, I believe." She lifts up a backpack and puts it on the side of her desk before I sit down. "Zoe Sugg," she says, introducing herself again. "What's your name? I couldn't hear from over here."

"T-troye," I say, sliding my backpack to the floor and sitting down.

"Welcome to Oak Hill, I guess. It kind of sucks here, but we're usually all friends since most of us have to see each other 24/7 anyways. Are you living in the dorms?" She has a British accent, and talks quietly but confidently, like it's a conversation only between me and her and not to be shared with anyone else, even though it's just about school. I shake my head and she seems to notice that I don't really talk much. "Huh. I guess that makes sense since you just moved here, you'd want to spend time settling in. You don't talk much do you?" Another shake of my head doesn't really seem to put her off at all. She only fixes her hair, which is in multiple braids leading into one at the side of her head, showing off blonde highlights. "That's alright. One of my best friends is actually mute, so I don't mind being the one who does most of the talking. I could show you to your classes if you'd like? It's kind of a big school," she continues, chuckling a little bit.

I smile, glad I wouldn't have to talk much if I spent time with her. "T-that'd be g-g-great. T-thank...you."

"No problem, Troye. Here, I can introduce you to my friends while we wait for attendance." She takes my hand and stands up, bringing me over to the other side of the room where a couple of boys sit and laugh about whatever they did over the summer. "Hello, boys! This is Troye. Troye, this is Alfie, Dan, and Connor." Each of the boys waved as she said their name. Alfie smiled at me a ran his hand through his hair, adjusting his beanie. Dan smiled just smiled. Connor grinned, and shook my hand firmly, skin on skin, a handshake, non-existent friction and invisible sparks of anger don't fly; this is just life and life means handshakes - stop overthinking it, it's just a handshake and he wouldn't have - but - he - it's okay. This is safe.

A handshake is safe.

I shiver at his touch.

"Anyways, enough about my summer, it was boring anyways," Dan finished after a bit of Connor talking and then Zoe.

"Dan, you went to Japan! With Phil! How is that boring?" Alfie exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

I laughed nervously with the others, tapping my fingers hoping they wouldn't notice how I jumped as he did so and how my eyes darted towards the door when he raised his voice happily.

Dan laughed. "Fine, it was pretty great. But anyways, how was your summer, Troye?" They all shifted their eyes towards me, waiting for an answer I couldn't give without saying everything, everything.

I blink, trying to form words out of the answer screaming behind all my other thoughts. "Uh..."

Thank God for Zoe Sugg.

"Probably just settling in your new house, huh?" Zoe asks, her eyes soft and her voice like the calm water in the pool in my new house. "Just moving stuff and unpacking?"

"Y-yeah."

Dan is staring at me curiously, as if wondering why she practically answered for me. He's about to say something, but Mrs. Laugherty interrupts. "Zoe, Troye, Caspar, back to your seats please. Now attendance, just say 'here' when your name is called. Alfie Deyes."

"Here."

"Dan Howell."

"Here."

And so went the day - meaningless words with introductions and barely-there thoughts and Zoe Sugg probably saving me from total embarrassment, complete confusion, getting lost, and everything in between.

I wince at every noise but Zoe seems to have quieted her voice and I'm partially able to block out the cacophony of sound in the hallways. I jump at the sound of slammed doors and I almost scream when Zoe drops her text book next to me but it's okay, it really is. It's a new start and this time, everything's going to go right, even if I have to avoid the boy with bright blue hair that I see sometimes in the hallways and I have to follow Zoe to most of my classes and I can't stand the girl with big black glasses in Spanish. It's a new start, a new place, a new school, different people, and I can be different too. I'll be brave and this school might be okay.