may shatter on impact (tronnor)

14. Gun & Shadow

this whole part is a memory btw and warning this is where it might start to get possibly triggering for some people

Jamey squeezes my hands as the lights flicker. "Troye?" he whispers. He may only be three but he knows there's something wrong. "Troye? What's happening?"

I clutch him tighter to me. "I'm not sure, Jamey." The lights shut off, plunging us into darkness, every open door slamming shut and leaving us with the shadows of fluttering flyers and unused desks and glass cases of fire extinguishers.

"Attention all faculty and students, this is not a drill. We are now in lockdown," a recorded voice crackles over the speakers, echoing down the hallways and bleeding through doorways, igniting terror like a flame to a forest.

Jamey begins to cry.

"Sshh, sweetheart, don't cry, it's going to be fine. Come on, we're going to go in here, Jamey, please don't cry."

He clutched my hand, wiping his tears. I knocked each one of the doors, each one locked and the shades down, the rooms as dark as the hallways Jamey and I are closed in.

Oh God, this isn't happening.

"Jamey, we're going to be okay," I whisper. I begin to run down the hallway, my footsteps too loud. If this is what I think it is, the noise will kill us. "Jamey, you're going to have to be really quiet, Jamey, stay quiet."

"Like Hide and Seek," he giggles, suddenly excited.

"Yeah," I whisper, grateful for the analogy. "Like Hide and Seek." I knock on another door, one to a math room covered in advertisements for math leagues and the school play and the JSA. "Please," I call into the door desperately.

It clicks open, a teary eyed Leah Hopkins standing there. "Mr. Miller? Oh, oh my God, Troye, okay come in, oh my God."

I step in, Jamey wide eyed but silent, his heartbeat beating wildly against my chest. The lights are off as Leah goes back to her spot behind the teacher's desk with a couple of other kids - where there isn't any space for me and Jamey.

"Troye? I need to pee," Jamey whispers. "Can we stop playing now?"

Then there's a loud crack and bang and the air seems to split in half by Leah's muffled scream, another group of kids howling in pain, in fear, oh my God -

I keep Jamey close to my chest, crawling underneath a desk at the back of the room, hoping that anyone glancing in the room won't be able to see me.

Jamey's cheeks are wet; he's howling in fear; his pants are darkening; his eyes are wide with fear. Oh my God, this is real, this is happening -

"Jamey," I whisper. My heart won't slow down and he's crying and he's too loud, we're going to be caught. "Jamey, you have to be quiet now. It's okay, we'll take care of your clothes in a little bit, it's okay, Jamey, we're going to be fine..."

My words are hollow lies and Jamey knows it.

"Jamey, you have to be quiet now, please." I wipe his tears from his rosy cheeks, his eyes squeezed shut.

He's terrified, tiny fists grasping at my shirt, staining it with his tears, needing something to hold on to, to keep him safe.

He begins to sing softly.

"Ssshh, Jamey," I say, pressing a finger to his lips. "It's time to be quiet; we're going to have to be very quiet now, Jamey. Don't make a sound," I whisper, my words filling the room with too much sound. "No singing, no moving, don't scream. We're safe, I promise, Jamey."